Freshman Admits It: Roommate Seems Really Nice

Freshman Becca Rams knew that she and her roommate, Sarah Rodriguez, would be a perfect match. Rodriguez effortlessly surpassed Rams’ difficult criteria for “perfect roommate” by having 1 mutual friend on Facebook (a Tallahassee nightclub promoter whom neither had met) and an interest in coffee. Although Rams stated she doesn’t actually drink coffee herself, she did own a $4 ‘But first, coffee’ shirt from Kohl’s, and figured that was probably good enough.  

Somehow, there were cracks in Rams’ foolproof roommate-finding plan that exposed themselves while the two filled out their roommate agreement forms. From differing views on how many times their bigs are allowed to run in at 2 AM screaming with gifts or how to decipher when a trash can has too much vomit in it to clean out and to just accept the $5 housing fee, it was like the two barely knew each other at all. “You’re allergic to peanuts? I’m on an all-peanut diet!” squalled Rodriguez. “How is this going to work?” Their suitemate, Caroline Worcester confirmed the problems when she went into their shared bathroom and was confronted with two toilet paper holders, one labeled “Becca’s” with the toilet paper feeding over, and the other labeled “Sarah’s” with it feeding under.

“No no, my roommate seems really nice,” Rams admitted while guarding the remote control of the electrical fence separating the two sides of the dorm. Rodriguez also adds that although she doesn’t know Rams too well yet, from what she can tell, she thinks she seems really really realue relay euhrleally nice too. The two enjoyed each other’s company by sitting in tense silence for the remainder of the evening before Rodriguez asked Rams to deactivate the electrical current running through their room so she could get to the door to leave to cry on the phone to her mom.

“It seems to me these two ladies have something serious they need to sort out with an RA...or maybe a psychotherapist,” said EMT response worker Alec McMillian as he soothed Klein’s electric burns in an ambulance on the way to Capital Regional Medical Center. During the two’s exchange in the ambulance over how the burns happened, it was reported that between each of Rodriguez’s groans of pain, she assured McMillian, “Yeah yeah no no, but for real Becca seems really nice!”