The Eggplant’s Helpful Guide to FSU for Incoming Freshmen

Starting college can be scary, even if you didn’t attend a virtual high school like that one kid from Queer Eye. Luckily for you, the super hot, cool and well-adjusted writers on our staff have compiled helpful tips for getting through your first week of school.

Surprise, kid! There is no hope! College is a hellfire and everyone is your enemy -- INCLUDING US! TRUST NO ONE!

But in all seriousness, here are a few helpful tips for success as an undergraduate student:

HAHA YOU LITTLE TWERP! You fell for that again? You fool!

Okay, all kidding aside we can at least give you one helpful tip so that opening this article wasn’t a complete waste of your time.

God, you really are a big dummy aren’t you? Go buy a planner or something!