Four Daydream Scenarios To Keep You Entertained During Easter Mass

Easter is coming up, which means its time for every cradle-Catholic to cosplay a heterosexual non-degenerate while they are home for the weekend. Some of us live hours away from home and have the luxury of simply lying to our parents about attending Stations of the Cross, and how we “have done such a great job of avoiding sweets during lent.” But for those of us who are within driving distance of home, here’s some daydream scenarios to keep you entertained during two hours of Mass but with colorful dresses. 

Scenario #1 - If that lighting fixture were to fall, who would it land on?

An age-old quarry for bored Catholics. The chain just looks so old... If it were to fall straight down, who would it land on? Would the freezing air conditioner be enough to guide it from landing on the old lady and onto the screaming toddler in front of her? The possibilities are horrifying, but fascinating. 

Scenario #2 - Starting an Etsy shop

Sure your parents pay your rent, but some extra cash doesn’t sound too bad. After a year of “quarantine,” you’ve picked up a few new crafting skills and now is the perfect time to start cashing in on the untouched craft supplies in your closet. There’s such an untapped market for jewelry on Etsy, and you know your unique take on bending wire with pliers could really garner sales. 

Scenario #3 - What if that figure of Jesus on the crucifix came to life and winked at me?

Like, straight up. 

Scenario #4 - Sleeping with your childhood crush

So sorry to God for this one, but sitting still for an hour is bound to drive my brain to imagine me clapping my cheeks with Brent from 8th grade Algebra. Look, there’s no better way for me to celebrate my creator by throwing back the ass that he so lovingly created. 

With this Pandora’s Box of scenarios, you’re guaranteed to get through Mass with ease. But no matter what gets you through Easter Mass, we hope it goes by quicker than the trough of Guinness at the Good Friday fish fry.