Top 10 Birds of All Time

Here at the Eggplant, we are dedicated to bringing you, our valued readers, the content you want. In lieu of this promise, we are excited to announce that the wait is over. It’s finally here. Today we are breaking down the top 10 birds of all time. We apologize if your favorite bird did not make the cut, but we can assure you that our methods are extremely biased and hold zero legitimacy. Get your binoculars (if you’re a nerd and actually own a pair) and strap in for the ride of your life (if you have only ever read literature of little or no substance). Here we go!

10. Flamingo - Starting our list in the 10th place slot is the fabulous flamingo. Their striking pink color and the fact that a group of flamingos is called a flamboyance is an obvious case for 10th place. Flamingos are birds of love (not to be confused with lovebirds) that practice monogamy, unlike most students at FSU.

9. Pterodactyl - The ferocious pterodactyl (pronounced ‘teh · ruh · dak · tl’ you moron) swoops into 9th place. For those of you out there shouting, “Pterodactyls aren’t birds. They are actually classified as flying reptiles!” we kindly ask you to shut the fuck up. We decide what constitutes a bird in our list and that’s that.

8. LiMu Emu - In a respectable 8th place position, insuring his spot in the ornithological hall of fame, is one of Liberty Mutual’s official mascots, the LiMu Emu. This emu is the definition of the new wave style. He puts the aviary back in aviators, sporting tough guy shades and breaking fashion boundaries for birds everywhere.

7. Woodstock - While this may be seen as a controversial pick by those unfamiliar with Woodstock, we promise that he has earned a spot on our list. Woodstock is a prime example of the enemies-to-friends trope we all know and love. His rocky past with Snoopy and eventual unbreakable bond is an inspiring story to all of us going through similar situations.

6. Chicken Joe - Hailing from Sheboygan, Wisconsin, and swiping 6th place is Chicken Joe. He is a truly talented surfer and an even better friend. Here at the Eggplant, we were seriously impressed by his loyalty to Cody Maverick in the Tenth Annual Big Z Memorial Surf Off. The world would be a better place if we all had a friend like Chicken Joe.

5. Red Bird - As the iconic leader of the Angry Birds, Red Bird was an obvious choice for our list. For many iPad kids, Red Bird is their first introduction to the world of ornithology. “Are all birds shaped like that?” the children ask. From all of us at the Eggplant, we fucking wish.

4. Skipper - 4th place is easily given to the savvy Skipper of the Penguins of Madagascar. While he shares many of the leadership qualities that Red Bird brings to the table, Skipper executes them with much more style. While it is never directly said, we can imply that Skipper is ex-military based on the success of his strategic penguin operations and his use of guerilla warfare tactics. Thank you for your bravery and service, Skipper.

3. Goose (Top Gun) - Speaking of the military, we have to pay tribute to the bravest bird on our list. Navy veteran Nick “Goose” Bradshaw died tragically in a jet training exercise. His death was not in vain, however. Goose brought us one of the greatest action movies ever made and forever altered the meaning of the song Great Balls of Fire.

2. Mordecai- WOAH! What can we say that has not already been said about this bird? He shreds on his electric guitar in the Mordecai and the Rigbys, pisses off his boss every chance he gets, and saves the universe on a regular basis. Simply put, Mordecai is Him.

1. The Bird (AKA - “Flipping the Bird”) - Our number one spot goes to none other than the middle finger! This is a bird that never seems to go out of style. Want to show your animosity toward someone? The bird. Want to take a hard photo? The bird. As the most versatile and timeless bird of all, there really is no beating it.