They’re Just Like Us: Local Instagram Celebrity Reveals She Enjoyed Bird Box In Classroom Icebreaker
Icebreaker season has reared its ugly head once again and students across the country will be expected to stand in front of a classroom and talk about what they did over break besides lick Cheeto dust off their grimy little paws. Though everyone just wants to know the damn attendance policy, you can always count on one or two students to annoy everyone further by delivering their icebreaker with the same gusto as every Netflix featured actor ever did in last night’s Golden Globes. Though Roma and The Kominsky Method may have won big, nothing can dethaw an audience’s attention like mentioning the Netflix smash Bird Box. Even local Instagram celebrities that are trying to be just like us have taken to watching the suspenseful thriller in hopes of saying something relatable in their required discussion board posts.
“Aside from my all expenses paid vacation to Ibiza and my brief stint on the Vidcon second stage, I really liked watching that blindfold movie over break, Bird House really opened my eyes, and that’s deep! !” shouted Sasha Buchanan as she took it upon herself to sign a handful of iPhone screens with a bejeweled sharpie in her “Introduction to Mass Media” icebreaker before writing her Instagram handle across the whiteboard. “It was my day off from advertising teeth whitener when I saw all 10k of my followers tweeting something about a Bird Cage. Then I realized it was a movie on Netflix, so I bundled up under my weighted blanket, popped a couple teddy bear hair vitamins and turned the movie on. It was good but scary. I thought it made me crap my pants in fear, but it turns out that was just the flat tummy tea I chugged earlier kicking in.”
Though it seems many students enjoyed the film, not everyone is convinced it’s worth the hype. “It’s people like Sasha Buchanon that caused Bird Box to become the largest opening weekend for a Netflix film - people that sit on their ass, scrolling through their Instagrams all day while becoming numb to quality movies,” argues Buchanan’s classmate and film school reject Taron Abrams while vigorously emailing to A24 to ask for an unpaid internship. “Bird Box relies on shock factor and sub-par acting to wow the dads and Taco Bell regulars of the world. These people are killing the independent film industry. Just go back to bingeing The Office.”
Whether you loved or loathed Bird Box, you’ll surely be hearing about it throughout syllabus week. Pull those you love close and strap on your blindfolds because much like the deadly creatures, horrible, socially awkward icebreakers are coming - hellbent on our destruction.