SLC Gamers Explain Why Social Distancing Isn’t Even Hard
Everyone has been having a hard time dealing with the pandemic: social distancing, wearing masks, and of course, all those people who lost their lives. COVID has hit college students especially hard because they can’t gather together and throw up in a stranger’s bathroom the way they’re supposed to. One group at Florida State has been adapting extremely well: the gamers who hang out at the Askew Student Life Center.
“Basically all you have to do is not sit right next to someone, and I’ve never really had that problem. Usually, people leave one or two seats between me and them anyway,” said sophomore Joshua Gilmore aka King Pimp on Wizard 101. In addition to not having a major yet, he is a nationally ranked gamer. “It’s super easy to not get Corona, I’m down here gaming for hours a day every day and I’m healthier than ever. Maybe the sluts and Chads should stop clubbing and maybe be a little more like me.”
Another FSU student, Tyler Reeves, has also found the pandemic extremely easy to avoid. “I’m a computer science major, so when I’m not working on computer stuff, I come here and game on the computers to unwind.” Tyler, a responsible citizen, can usually be found on the SLC computers from 8 p.m. to 4 a.m. where the least amount of people are out gathering. “It’s my normal gaming schedule and it helps stop the spread of the virus. I’m probably doing more for my fellow gamers than those frontline workers people won’t stop talking about.” \ Whenever his head starts hurting or vision gets so blurry he can’t own any n00bs, he has a remedy. “The average human only really needs two or three hours of sleep. Normally when people sit in front of a screen too long, they’ll just go to bed like quitters. What I do is put 4 ibuprofens in a can of monster energy and then I feel fine. I call it Tylernol.”
With the state of Florida completely reopening and asking people to wear a mask, we can expect an exponential increase (50%) of new Worldstar videos. Meanwhile, the state of the FSU student body depends on the unsung heroes of the SLC. Instead of waiting around for a vaccine, we need more people like Joshua and Tyler to protect their fellow students. They keep this campus safe while fighting orcs online, and make it look easy. They are an inspiration to us all.