Local Art Ho 5 Days Clean From Going to House Shows
With the quarantine anniversary coming up and COVID still not going away, people haven’t been able to gather in large groups for a while. This has taken a major toll on Tallahassee’s art scene, and no group has been hit harder than the art hoes. When everyone is wearing sweatpants, indie girls have had nowhere to wear their fishnets and doc martens. But like everyone in Tallahassee with a social life, people have still been hanging out. Being an art ho is a serious addiction that local girls have been struggling with and we spoke to one brave survivor that is 5 days clean.
“I have spent most of my time at FSU in some guy’s house pretending to know what midwest emo is,” says senior Kelly Mitchell. “It got really bad. Every weekend I would put on my beanie, grab my cigarettes, and stare at some bassist in hopes he would make out with me and ghost me 3 days later.” Kelly has seen almost all the local bands in Tallahassee and has been in 2 week relationships with at least one member from each. “5 days ago, I just woke up and realized there was more to life than throwing up in some guy’s gross bathroom. I have med school applications to turn in!”
“Kelly….it’s not ringing a bell.” Florida State senior Josh “Shit-Pants” Tracy. “I’m a bass player so there’s a ton of girls always trying to get up on my jock. They just get wasted on stuff from my fridge and try to make a move but I’m just trying to express my emotions the only way I know how- through music. If one art hoe leaves, 10 more freshmen come and take her place and they’re usually way hotter and don’t know why people call you shit pants.”
Kelly is one survivor in a story with many victims. Girls who were on tumblr and Wattpad too much in middle school who are obsessed with being “different.” They all get together and compete for the attention of a guy who has no toothbrush and commitment issues. Even if they win, they lose. Kelly hopes that speaking out will encourage other girls to focus on themselves and find validation from inside themselves.