Sorority Girls at Risk of Getting Hit Crossing Tennessee Street to the Strip Because Their Deer Makeup Is Just Too Realistic
It’s finally fallen below 80 degrees outside, the football team is preparing for their inevitable loss to UM, and the only frat left on campus is Phi Eta Sigma. You know what that means: it’s Halloween! And while you’ll always have that one professor who dresses up for the class in a last-ditch effort to regain students’ trust after trashing everyone’s grades with a midterm, there are a few costumes we could all do without. One particular costume that is becoming ubiquitous amongst the sorority elite has become especially dangerous for drivers trying to avoid drunk jay-walkers: deer makeup and cutesy little felt antlers.
Kaylee Mae, local Zeta Phi member and proud Rho Gam, couldn’t wait to whip out her new deer makeup look with her sorority sisters at the Yianni’s Halloween party. “I’m so excited for my totally whimsical but still sexy lewk for Halloween this year. After my friends told me my 6ix9ine costume probably wouldn’t age too well, I was stuck with a bunch of extra face paint. I absolutely had to go as the sexiest woodland creature. I’m also planning on wearing my highest pair of heels so that way when I get super drunk and try to walk, I will look even more like a baby deer! I know Bambi taught our entire generation about the concept of death, but I can’t wait to channel my inner Disney kid and remind everyone of what a truly creative Halloween costume looks like.”
Not everyone is so sure about Kaylee Mae’s costume. Kevin Johnson, FSU Senior and Tennessee St. McDonald’s Employee of the Month, is not so sure about someone wearing such a realistic-looking Halloween costume. “Listen, since I work right next to the puke-capital of Tallahassee, I can sense when crazy shit is about to go down. Those girls are totally going to get hit crossing the street. Her makeup just looks too real. I don’t have time to run out into the street and save another idiot. I’m going to be way too busy lying to everyone that the ice cream machine is broken all Halloween night.”
While it’s totally doubtful that anyone else will think to dress up as one of the five animals we decided were hot in a somehow not weird way, it still may be worth investigating a few more costume options. While being a cute woodland creature seems like an appropriate Halloween costume, let’s not forget that dressing up like a deer is also a perfect segway into the next best time of the year. As the holiday season approaches, we at The Eggplant FSU hope that you spend the next two months decked out in your Rudolph makeup—just be careful around any kind of motorized vehicle.