FSU Basketball Team Honored Just to Lose in the Same Building as Duke Tonight

The Florida State basketball team has had tonight’s nationally televised game against Duke circled on their calendar for months. The Seminoles have a history of upsetting highly ranked Duke teams, but tonight they have a totally different and more realistic goal in mind. For this year’s FSU team, the Duke game isn’t about winning but about finally getting a chance to see their favorite players and coach in person. “I can’t wait to get to the stadium early to try to score some autographs,” said 7ft center Boris Bojanovsky, who plans to wear his favorite throwback JJ Reddick Blue Devils jersey underneath his Seminole one. “What if Okafor dunks on me? That would be so awesome.”

For Duke, however, tonight’s game is about avoiding any major embarrassments and seeing how many players with the last name Plumlee can be on the court at the same time. “We probably won’t even wake up Coach K until about 5 minutes before the game starts,” said a Duke assistant coach. “Here at Duke, we don’t lose to bad or mediocre teams, unless of course it’s in the first round of the NCAA Tournament.”

Even though FSU has beaten Duke a few times in the recent past, coach Leonard Hamilton doesn’t even want to discuss the possibility of winning so as not to jinx it. “I’m going to coach tonight the best way I know how,” says Hamilton, “by not doing anything at all and praying the other team scores for us at the last second.”