FSU Struggles To Find Non-Offensive Interactive Snapchat Filter

Snapchat’s interactive filters have become a fun new way for college kids to show each other that they would literally rather stare at themselves in a tiny screen than do any amount of homework. Many filters have been introduced, from the scary to the hilarious to the one that makes everyone “look prettier” while simultaneously making their facial features more eurocentric. FSU has recently decided to cash in on the fad by creating their own interactive filter. However, there appears to be nothing FSU-related that isn’t horribly offensive. “We’re trying everything we can think of,” said social media guru Stephanie Jacobson, while Googling ‘positive relatable content + FSU + literally anything not related to sexual assault.’ “Our first thought was to use the Seminole tribe logo but that’s apparently ‘cultural appropriation.’ I don’t know what that is but apparently it means we can’t make that filter AND I can’t wear my $600 Etsy headdress to football games anymore.”

At one point someone managed to develop a filter of President Thrasher, but it was scrapped after being described as “the love child of Ryan Reynolds in Deadpool and the zombies in season 6 of The Walking Dead.” Mrs. Killings was also suggested as a possible filter, but after about thirty seconds of thought the PR team realized that would be “worse than that one time that Dancing With The Stars woman thought it was okay to dress up as Crazy Eyes from Orange Is The New Black.”

“Palm trees are too generic. Alligators are the enemy. A Chick-Fil-A cow filter would be awesome but is way too homophobic. Plus that’s technically not even our brand, even though we make them a shit ton of money and they’re low-key putting all of our other campus restaurants out of business,” said Jacobson while looking for a new job. “Being Justin Bieber’s publicist post-dreadlocks is probably easier than this.”