Rudy Himself Appeared at the Notre Dame Game to Flex on Us
Florida State’s recent loss against Notre Dame may have been inevitable, but fans were not expecting the single greatest sportsball actor visiting the game to show his support for the school whose mascot isn't even a real hunchback. Better known as Samwise Gamgee, Sean Astin graced Indiana not as a hobbit, but as a 1990’s inspiration for working absurdly hard to play as a defensive end. “Rudy” might only tackle one guy at the end of the movie, but fans were ready to freeze to death for the chance to gently caress Astin’s shoulder. After staying only until halftime as any sane person should, the long-forgotten actor made sure to get his leprechaun hobbit-enthusiasts to laugh at our performance long before he left to go convince the suspicious man in the bell tower that the UNIVERSITY of Notre Dame was finally ready to commercialize his likeness.
“Honestly, I had no idea who Sean Astin was until I looked him up on IMDb. I knew his square, clean-cut face was familiar, but I couldn’t match the name with the face. I really thought his name was Sean Austin and everyone was just misspelling it,” said Fighting Irish fan Billy Rays as he polished the one golden ring on his right hand that he’s weirdly possessive over. “Here at Notre Dame, we're only known for being one of the few Catholic schools that’s actually good at sports. We’re very competitive and we’re always fighting for first place, even outside the stadium. Whenever we get a touchdown, we blast 'One Hour of the Fortnite Default Dance' and clap our hands together to the sweet Battle Royale synthesizers. We love that game so much. Rudy really appreciated that kind of dedication to a Victory Royale on the field.”
“Part of me realizes how ridiculous it was to willingly walk outside in this kind of weather just to see people tackle each other and fight over a leather egg, but I love it when people scream my name,” confessed Sean Astin. “Usually, nothing is sweeter to me than people chanting ‘RU-DY’ or maybe even asking why I am not actually three feet tall. But these game results? I couldn’t think of a better blessing. Every Notre Dame fan in the stadium had never been more ready to gaze up in adoration at that terrifyingly huge mosaic of Jesus on campus and say “and with you,” or maybe “and with your spirit,” or whatever it is nowadays. Nonetheless, I still don’t get why it overlooks the stadium? It’s so unsettling. Are they trying to say the son of God has a favorite NCAA team?”
Florida State added yet another loss to its season, bringing nothing but sadness and more reasons for it to be socially acceptable to blackout on any given day of the week. Meanwhile, Taggart was seen nervously checking his Glassdoor account as Blackman tried to explain the rules of football to Francois again, struggling to lift the whiteboard he was drawing plays on. Their efforts to win may be in vain, but we appreciate them making the perceived population of Indiana temporarily go up from ten to an entire football team's worth of people.