5 Reasons Why FSU Football Is In Her Flop Era
In recent but unsurprising news, nearly every scheduled football game at Florida State University has been postponed or canceled under ominous circumstances. Students' minds are bound to wander when given absolutely no information regarding this development. Many hypothesize that football players actually aren’t immune to Coronavirus, contrary to common belief. In the midst of this, we’ve come up with five solid reasons explaining why the Florida State Seminoles, seldom referred to as “oomf,” are once again in their flop era.
They Are Coronavirus Deniers
In a desperate attempt to be talked about, FSU’s football team is finally known for more than frequent losses and a feud with UF. Not unlike other teams, FSU has decided to continue playing amidst a pandemic. This includes super tiny games of about 20,000 patrons. While they aren't accounting majors, one might assume the team is able to see that 20,000 isn’t close to the maximum 10 people gatherings suggested by the Department of Health. To make matters worse, the university prioritized these games over other minor events, such as graduation from a school you paid $80,000 to attend.
They Don’t Know How to Play Football
While the rules of football are largely disregarded because no one really cares, it’s clear that whatever should be happening, isn’t. Despite apparently being a good team, the Seminoles can’t seem to win a game. It’s clear that every program has ups and downs, but maybe if the team actually played the games that they scheduled, we could get a better grasp of their true talent levels.
They Take Up Too Much Space
Taking up space is something that athletes at FSU are excellent at, both literally and figuratively. Firstly, the shoulder pads and protective gear genuinely take up a lot of room. However, the required space still doesn’t seem to justify the constant renovation of a stadium that fits 80,000 people when janitors in FSU’s dorm halls still tell students a ghost is the reason their shower leaks in the middle of the night. On a metaphorical level, the burden of game day traffic, the embarrassment of losing to terrible teams, and the mental turmoil of pretending to care about the latest game are far too much for a student to handle.
Problematic Name
The infamous mascot and football name for Florida State is clearly problematic, and while a young stinky man with a “J” name wants to tell you that the Seminole tribe actually enjoys being mimicked by a student in brown face every other Saturday, others care to disagree. Perhaps the team should assess their pride and take after the Washington Redskins, who recently changed their name, because, duh. I’m sure no one would mind a missing lyric or two from the war chant, such as “scalp ‘em, Seminoles”, being changed to, like, anything else that doesn’t perpetuate a harmful narrative of Native Americans.
Their Outfits are Kinda Dumb
Now, football teams aren’t known for being their most fashion-forward, but FSU’s outfits are, in the words of Lorde, a true liability. Firstly, garnet and gold, otherwise known as maroon and shimmery yellow, wouldn’t be a designer’s first pick as they make no sense in terms of color theory. The best part of any 2020 outfit (a mask) seems to be missing from every player’s uniform as well. Overall, the whole look can definitely be qualified as a fashion disaster. We only have one thing to say: FLOP!