So He Invited You to the SLC’s “Joker” Screening: Here Are Your Next Steps
It’s 10 minutes until your next class, but you still haven’t gotten your order from Strozier Starbucks. You know that school is essential, but if you already spent five dollars on a coffee, at this point you’re obligated to drink it. Nervously, you scroll through Instagram, wondering if you should say something to the barista, knowing you never will. Suddenly, your phone vibrates, notifying you that the annoying kid in your study group sent you a private message (via GroupMe, GOD). Your previous nervousness transforms into a new kind of unease. Slowly, you move your finger to open up your inbox. What awaited you couldn’t have been prepared for—a personal invitation to join him at tonight’s screening of “Joker” at the SLC.
“I think she’s pretty cool and, I don’t know, I thought that maybe we had a bit of a spark. I think that she would make a perfect mother,” said Andrew Sutton, a sophomore English major whose real passion is participating in class by playing devil’s advocate. “I know it’s a little forward asking someone out on Valentine’s Day, but the situation just aligned perfectly. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the SLC is showing ‘Joker.’ Hey, I know it’s not the most stereotypical date movie, but it’s a terrific film. I mean, I saw it like five times in the theaters. Alone, obviously. Every time, I couldn’t help but give it a standing ovation. Sure, some people were a little scared, but I couldn’t contain my excitement. I can’t wait to see it again. I hope that this time, a pretty girl who also cares what society does to mentally ill loners will be by my side.”
“Whatever you do, do not ghost him. These guys are unstable. He wouldn’t be able to handle it. He would go insane or something,” said your best friend, Charlie Davis, who once dated a guy who attended Table Top Thursday’s and has worked tirelessly since to keep others from making similar mistakes. “You can’t say yes either. You need to find the nicest way to say ‘absolutely not and never ask again.’ Honestly, I would ask if my ‘boyfriend’ could come or something. But then he might insist you both come so he has a chance at making more than one male friend. Just try to distance yourself as quickly and safely as possible. Have you thought about transferring? What about a restraining order? Maybe just tell him that as a woman, you’re not sure you’d be able to appreciate the complexities of a dark comedy.”
You let him down easy, claiming that you have a lot of homework. And before he can reply, immediately begin to fill your calendar for the next two weeks. Text almost everyone you’ve met in Tallahassee and set up an insane amount of coffee dates, brunches and movie nights. Maybe even start watching “The Bachelor” so you’ll have a standing commitment. Time left alone really does leave you vulnerable, and if a guy is willing to invite you to “Joker” on Valentine’s Day, you need to be ready with every excuse on hand to shoot him down for the rest of the semester. You can’t be too safe, because you know whatever the next event or movie is, Andrew will be there, and you will get an invite.