Drinking Water From Wescott Can Give You Visions of the Future; Also Ringworm
The Westcott Fountain has collected over 100 years of 21 year-old ambition as well as older, darker magicks that lurk in the bikini zones of newly legal partiers. This sparkling statue has captured so many people’s own monumental moments, particularly because the fountain is streamed on a 24/7 Facebook live. Although students’ highs and come-downs have all stirred into the fountain (on camera) and created a mystic mix, those who have dranken the fountain’s water, whether it be on purpose or not, have reported not only visions of the future, but also a rigorous case of ringworm.
Stephanie Wetworth, a math student and fan of the Leach’s jacuzzis, shared her story of taking to the fountain as the two public crock pots were both at their 15 person capacity, and Belle the lifeguard was not feeling generous that day. “It’s basically a hot tub, it just happens to also be featured in a lot of grad photos. But don’t think I was photobombing - I’m really good at holding my breath and thought I could practice by fully submerging everytime a new cap and set of gold balloons walked over to take a pic,” Wetworth said as she angrily reminded herself to pat not scratch. “Each time I opened my eyes under water, I kept seeing this nightmarish and blurry vision of my algebra teacher trying to explain slope intercept through a muted Omegle stream.”
Kenneth Barnes reported his own frightful fountain fiasco after his unasked-for toss into the tepid tap water. “My friends knew I had just blown out my hair, so when they dragged me into that giant filthy birdbath, I was already traumatized,” said Barnes as he rolled up his already cuffed jeans to apply a fresh layer of antifungal cream on his donut-shaped skin feature. “But that wasn’t even the most triggering part. When I splashed in, some water got in my mouth and I swear I saw a scene of me as a literal sea hag with green hair and boils. I mean the chlorine is so toxic in that biohazard kiddie pool already, you would think that nothing wormish could even survive! Also, be honest, does my hair look seafoam to you?”
Seeking direction after graduation? Hoping to gain clarity about how to become a home-schooler now? Looking to collect and breed parasitic worms just to plant them on your enemies? If any of these insights seem attractive to you, then dare to make the trek to Wescott’s Fountain of Fishy Fortune … and make sure to bring a reusable water bottle. #SaveTheTurtles