Business Major Screen Records Professor to Post on Teacher X Student OnlyFans

With the recession rolling in and FSU’s inability to allocate money ethically standing still, one horny business major has taken note of John Thrasher’s email chain and began asking for money digitally too, give or take a few hole pics. Senior business major and burgeoning entrepreneur Callum Woods has started a Teacher x Student role-play OnlyFans account where he might be more widely recognized by his username @D_is4Detention. The account’s subscriber count has recently sky-rocketed after in-person classes were moved to online nationally. Woods broke down his business model for the account in an exclusive interview, leaving Forbes and Playboy with a serious case of blue(-light) balls.  

Between muting his ongoing Zoom class and refreshing his OnlyFans page, Woods reports a busy workload of constant window watching. “I learned to multitask when I was in fifth grade. Playing the Lilo & Stitch alien designer game behind my computer teacher’s back made Mavis Beacon actually thrilling.” The peeping pornographer shared how despite his fetish for teachers catching him between browsers, the creation of the now blossoming OnlyFans came out of a pure accident. “I was trying to upload a screen recording of my Zoom class to Twitter because of how weird my classmate’s cat looked. But it wasn’t until my replies started blowing up with peach and water drop emojis that I realized people were thirsting over my professor.” 

Parker Long, jealous IT major and reluctant subscriber to @D_is4Detention made sure to express his reasoning for following the OnlyFans (other than just being horny). “Me and Callum have that Zoom class together - the one with the hot teacher - and I really only was curious if the six second teasers he was posting on his Twitter were ever going to feature me. Like, I know the main focus is Professor Sexy but I thought maybe he’d leave in the part where I virtually raised my hand and answered the question about the social implications of VPNs.” When asked if Long was ever able to identify himself in the longer posts on the OnlyFans, Long blushed and shyly responded, “I’ve never made it to the end of one of his uploads because typically about 6 minutes in I’m already cu—cutting out...my wifi’s been acting up lately. All this streaming.” 

Amidst this dystopic retreat into isolation and quarantines, Zoom and OnlyFans both seem as viable outlets to scratch that social itch, wherever on your body it might be. But as classes and asses continue on in the digital realm, remember that consent, even if it is pixelated, is sexy. So before you snatch your teacher’s lesson to upload to a majority porn-related streaming service, consider asking them through a quick Canvas message. Who knows, they could be into Robin Hooding the greedy school system just as much… they might even attach feet pics!