5 Ways to Reinvent Yourself Before Fall 2020

reflection.jpg

Summer is a great time to get tan and avoid dying from a pandemic. It’s also a great time to reevaluate how your past year at FSU went. No matter how great of a time you had, there’s always room for improvement. When you come back on campus in the fall, it’s important that people pay attention to you, and one way to accomplish this is by simply making a drastic change to your life. Here are five ways to do that.

1. Change up Your Hair

This one is tried and true. When you want a change (and fast), you can simply cut off a couple of inches. You might run the risk of some people not noticing since an entire summer has passed, so we recommend dying your hair a color that does not occur in nature. Perhaps a bright blue. On top of that, for maximum attention, try shaving some parts off. Maybe incorporate a shape that is meaningful to you, like a cross or a hammer and sickle.

2. Lose 100 Pounds Minimum

This summer, try acting like you’re on “The Biggest Loser” by losing an insane amount of weight in the shortest amount of time possible. When you come back to school, you will be showered in attention. People will tell you how much better you look than before, and some might even whisper that they are worried about you having an eating disorder if you’re lucky. Use this to become Instagram famous by filling your account with before and after pics and photos comparing the calories of a hamburger vs. a huge bowl of fruit. 

3. Get Really Into Reading

Everyone is super impressed by a smart person, and it is super easy to become one. Simply go to the library and check out one book a day. Always carry this book with you in your hands, not your backpack, so people can see the cover and be really impressed. You don’t actually have to read the book because SparkNotes exists, and it’s not like anyone’s actually going to test you on it. This technique is also good for getting to know the cute guy at the library front desk who loans out HDMI cords.

4. Have a Life-Changing Experience

It is said that a person is defined by the things that happen to them or something like that. What’s more interesting than a person who has had a major experience shape them? Though most people aren’t lucky enough to survive a kidnapping or be a child prodigy, you can simply exaggerate some of the smaller truths in your life. Spend the summer on your parent’s yacht? More like you survived being stranded at sea! Your friends will be forced to confront the idea that you could have died before they told you they kissed your ex and will be extra nice.

5. Stop Talking

Nothing grabs more attention than someone who’s dark and moody. If you stop talking entirely and communicate in only head nods and low grunts, people are bound to take notice. Your friends will start wondering if you’re mad at them, so they’ll put more effort into their relationships with you. The guy who would have ghosted you now is begging for you to answer his texts. Next thing you know, you’re more popular than ever.

The Eggplant FSU