Old FSU Photos in Academic Building Feature Raw Sex on Landis Green

The bookworms of FSU, feeling the existential dread of their impending graduation along with their imminent 30-page research paper that’s due tomorrow, have begun roaming the halls of Strozier and Bellamy at 3 AM in hopes of feeling something. To ward off thinking of their high-stress, low-sex semester, they pause to look at old black-and-white photos from decades past. Professors in pony-tails spitting on students as they talk, students riding bulls in what was to become “Bulls”, and even John Thrasher as a hot young stud. When first looking at the photos, observers have said they bring an inspiring feeling and that, while things have changed, students still share the same experiences. But then they looked at a picture a few frames down the hall…FSU students in the 1960s having raw, unprotected sexual intercourse on Landis Green. 

“It was highly unsettling, but also kind of arousing,” said liberal finances major Doug Kenny as he used an iPhone camera on 3X to view a hunk’s unprotected, uncut penis railing a fellow student on the wet morning dew. “I guess, you know, all that free love really didn’t stop them from doing the deed right in front of Strozier,” he remarked as he took a picture of the picture for ‘research.’ “It’s crazy to me that the administration hasn’t taken it down yet, but I guess FSU doesn’t really monitor its potentially problematic horny archives.” 

“You just don’t understand the time, man,” said a bearded hippie geezer as he smoked a major doobie. “Lust on Landis was just normal. Nobody hid their desires in enos like you weanies in the iGeneration… Cirq performers did sexual acrobatics. Football games were more like orgies than tournaments. Bellamy had dozens of glory holes instead of just the one in the handicapped stall,” he exclaimed as he shaked our reporter vigorously while also crying. “Whenever I visit FSU, I’m surprised to see dogs, frisbees and LARP-ers on Landis Green, instead of doggie style, fisting, strap-ons, and role-play.” The man then proceeded to pass away (fade away, really) from the sheer excitement of his youthful fucking. 

Whatever your sexual fantasy, due to an outcry from the “FSU Mommies” Facebook group and Sister Cindy herself, the photos have since been taken out of their displays and replaced with photos of FSU during its women only college origins. (Though, there are many photos showcasing repressed queer women finally breaking free in this collection) But, never fear, if your perverse proclivities are aligned with antiquated arousal, the photos are available upon request in Strozier’s underground dungeon. If you do attempt love-making in FSUs halls (or greens) please use the ‘readily available’ condoms located in the health center, Strozier bathroom, or most likely, 926 Bar & Grill.