Local Dad Celebrates Easter by Having a God Complex
Over the weekend, family members gathered in groups of ten and up for Church and some good ole fashioned egg dyeing. I mean, if you’re going to attend a super spreader event, it better be over something worthwhile, like a Cadbury Creme Egg. No matter how your family celebrated, at least you probably got a post of your mimosa and brunch out of it. Although Jesus may have died on the cross, forty-two year old father David Johnson’s ego did not. This local dad celebrated this Easter like many alike across the nation; by having a God complex. His sixteen-year-old daughter, Bekah, had a lot to say about the Holy day.
“He’s known to act like he’s better than everyone else but Easter Sunday was a whole new level. He literally forgot to buy us our baskets and ruined the whole holiday. Mom didn’t get to make the basket presentation with our Apple Watches surrounded by chocolate bunnies. I mean, seriously? It was almost as bad as the time the tooth fairy only left a crisp $20 under my pillow instead of the usual $50 coupon voucher to the Cheesecake Factory. Which by the way, he gaslights me into thinking never happened. This is not the day Jesus would have wanted. He can never be in the wrong and it’s really starting to interfere with the Holidays. Like, what’s next? He doesn’t admit he’s being a lazy gift giver when ‘Santa’ only brings gift cards? He may think he’s perfect but he continues to make the most monumental mistakes.”
We also got to speak to David on the matter, who when asked about what kind of dad he thought he was, stated: “The best one. Yeah, I leave sometimes to go on cruises--I mean, business trips on my own, but I’m always there for the family. Except for when they need it. All I want for them is to play college sports like their old man did and learn some life lessons about how to treat a lady at a drive-in movie. God gave his only son and I’ll gladly do the same for the art of high school football. Ha, looks like the big man upstairs and I aren’t too different.”
We all celebrate differently. David just chooses to celebrate the Lord year round by being just like Him. He chooses violence in the form of complete disregard for how much Mom just loves Easter Sunday mass. Whatever traditions you and your kin have tied to Easter Sunday, remember that imitation is not always the sincerest form of flattery, and if you can avoid a disaster caused by your father, do it.