New in Politics: Sweaters in September vs the Actual Weather, You Dumb, Sweaty Girl
Ah, fall. It's a season that brings so much! A brand new school year, tensions in political elections, and that one acorn you found in the grass that you’ll keep on a shelf for way too long. As the incoming autumn season brings new hopes and obstacles, people have begun to notice something truly apparent in the air: the actual summer heat that plagues us, you dumb sweaty girl. That’s right folks, no matter how much burnt-orange wool you stick to your musty body, the weather isn’t going to take a chill pill for the Florida swamp you Tim Burton-crazed students live in.
“I love fall, it's my favorite season,” said FSU junior Emily Miller, as she brushed away the bangs glued to her forehead with sweat. “I get so excited for it. I pull out all my plastic pumpkins, PSL mugs, and cozy sweaters at the very start of the semester just so I can maybe feel something for once. It works like half the time.” Miller isn’t the only one with such foolish ideals. If you take a peek at FSU’s campus, you’ll find sweat-stained cardigan armpits and free Club Downunder beanies (and soon-to-be Eggplant beanies shhhhh) on every red brick corner. With all this collective autumn spirit, it makes you wonder if it's worth sitting farther away from your classmate to avoid them noticing your summertime stink.
“Look, do I almost collapse from heat exhaustion every time I walk to class? Maybe. But is that going to stop me from standing up for what’s right? For the spiced apple candles and platform boots of my Pinterest dreams? No! But I might change into the extra t-shirt I put in my Fjallraven Kanken,” Emily shouted while ruffling through her bag on Landis Green. “This happens every year,” said FSU spokesperson, Diana Adams. “We keep urging students to seek out our resources so they aren’t alone during this confusing time. We have counselors available to talk to, tank tops begging to be bought in the bookstore, and even showers open at the Leach for those liberal arts students who refuse to get on the treadmill.”
It seems this heated (quite literally) debate between the summer weather and eager autumn fangirls will continue again for the latter half of the year. So the least you can do to prepare for this climate fiasco is keep those pesky long sleeves tucked away in your winter storage bins. Try thinking about the beach fondly, or maybe say to yourself “I am hot girl summer!” Whatever you do, try to stay cool, friends. It’s toasty out there.