Local Woman Disappointed to Learn She Is "One of the Guys"

What’s better than this? Just a bunch of guys hanging out! The weekend has once again found several dudes competing to finish their respective cases of Keystone Light first while talking about what their dad does for a living and why that made them hate him. It’s literally a dream world for these 15 men, but for the one female friend of the group, it can be a little lackluster. While hanging with the boys was “absolutely chill” as per usual, for the one lady friend of the group, it would be nice to have someone remember she has tits just once.

“She is so cool, man. Sometimes I forget she’s a girl and is actually like a normal person. I love that she can just hang with the boys, and I can really be myself around her,” said Harry Crane, while chugging a Miller High Life (the champagne of beers) and then throwing it all up onto a fire pit that he wouldn’t stop talking about setting up the entire party. “It’s weird when I see her talking to other girls because they don’t even register as the same thing in my brain. Like she’s so funny and kind of mean; I can’t even imagine her in a sexual or emotional or vulnerable situation. Basically any situation outside of chain-smoking on my deck. She’s one of the guys!”

“It’s good that they consider me close friends, I guess. I don’t really know what they see when they look at me, but I don't think I want to know. It’s kind of absurd that my friends and I have fully had a crush on each of them, yet all they want to do is play Ring of Fire and burn me with a cigarette,” said very chill and “almost like a brother to me” girl at the party, Peggy Olson, while staring at herself in the bathroom mirror, just reevaluating. “I feel like I need to talk about sex just to remind everyone that I know what it is, just in case. These guys are my best friends, but if they invite me into their room to read a graphic novel in the dark at a party one more time, I’m gonna freaking lose it.”

Hanging with your broskis is clearly an honor and privilege enjoyed by only the most resilient of women. While the perks of getting asked to play beer pong and watching your former crush get uglier by the second are undoubtedly huge and irreplaceable, it’s the memories made along the way that solidify being “one of the guys” as the greatest achievement of a promising young woman's life. So sit back, relax and crack open a cold one. You’ve earned it.