Younger Cousin Obviously Started Smoking Weed
Just as you were getting settled into your aunt’s guest bedroom this past week for Thanksgiving break, there was a knock at the door. In walked your entire extended family, full of both familiar and new faces. There was an influx of new significant others who were undoubtedly being tested by your various relatives to see if they have what it takes to be in a completely boring, average family. With all the chaos and tension brewing like Nana’s famous apple cider, you were ready for the arrival of your younger cousin. Even though he’s four years younger than you, he’s the only person that will make you not want to curl up and die. When he finally arrives, you were immediately caught off guard by his Kid Cudi “Day ‘N’ Nite” shirt. It quickly became obvious that this was not the sweet little boy that you remember; Lil’ cuz has discovered the devil’s lettuce and all the annoying personality traits that come with it.
“Yeah, I haven’t been up to too much since last year. I’ve pretty much just been hanging out with my boys. We just chill and watch movies and shit. Yo, have you seen Harold and Kumar? Me neither, but it looks pretty funny. What have you been up to?” asked David Wilson, your 16-year-old cousin, while vigorously scratching at the tiny amount of stubble under his chin. “How about before dinner, you and I take a little walk around the neighborhood? You know what I mean. Make this dinner a little bit more interesting. Make the mashed potatoes talk and shit. No? Okay. No, It’s fine. I was just totally raving to my boys about how cool you were. If they found out you don’t blaze, they would be so disappointed.”
“He’s been spending a lot less time at home recently. I know he’s probably just being a kid, but I’m scared that we’re pushing him away,” commented a worried Amy Wilson, David’s mother, and your aunt, as you may remember. “I knew that when he got his license, he would be away from home a lot, but frankly, I’m starting to get worried. He gets home every night around 10 or 11 p.m., then proceeds to loudly rummage through the pantry, looking for Oreos, claiming that they’d ‘taste pretty good right now.’ This always confuses me, because Oreos always taste good. Why does time have any effect on that?”
A few minutes before Thanksgiving dinner, David quickly scrambled upstairs to grab his metal one-hitter from his backpack, along with a spray canister of Axe. After a 3-minute walk into the woods behind your house, he returned, reeking of Dark Temptation XL Body Spray. David promptly scarfed down a plateful of green bean casserole after giving Nana a fist bump and taking a seat next to his younger brother (and also your cousin) Aiden. You’ll never fully love your cousin David again, but at least you’ll always have a group of high schoolers to smoke weed with when you come home.