How to Wear Your Rainbow Eyeshadow Palette in a God-Honoring Way

Three days in and “sylly week XD” not treating you like you thought it would? Tempted to escape into the limitless realm of your new holiday goody: THE rainbow eyeshadow palette? Ready to wear 18 colors out to that Cru “pizza hangout” tonight? Before buffing another green mid-tone on your lid, consider the Creator of all those greens, and every other color. What would God (or just any older man from your childhood) think about that rainbow eye?

1.  Keep It Natural

Wouldn’t the Creator of life on Earth be flattered by an eyeshadow homage to the world’s first color palette? Obviously girly! That’s why you should stick to shades like Ocean Blue and Forest Green to give respect to the beautiful little ball we call Earth that God’s spinning on his finger like a basketball. <3

If you’re feeling adventurous, don’t be scared to branch out into the rest of Mr. Roy G. Biv’s title. God didn’t show Noah a rainbow just for us to stick to two shades! Decorate those peepers with purple, yellow, or even orange! Every fruit on the Chiquita Banana Lady’s Headpiece should be featured in your color samples. Our God on high did create each of them, right?

2. Keep It Feminine

Best to use fine detail brushes for this tip. God is obviously a huge feminist; therefore, make sure to always paint the Venus symbol (the little circle with the cross underneath it, FYI) onto your eye region every time you decorate your face. If you get really good at this trick, try sketching multiple little Venus symbols in and around your eyes to give that sort of graphic graffiti effect. 

And if you’re worried that the symbol of Venus sounds too astrological, don’t worry, God is recently getting into astrology, and he totally thinks you have some houses in Gemini.

3. Keep It Classy

Because Jesus partied with prostitutes, “Hustlers” is a good reference point. The 2007 aesthetic that “Hustlers” takes off in has a bounty of makeup inspo that the youth pastor’s wives are boldly still sporting! Definitely stick to the black in the waterline and frosty gloss to communicate to young prayer partners the “women who haven’t orgasmed taught me how to do my makeup” look. It’ll keep them begging for more! ;)

Now that we’re smoked out, multi-colored and unintentionally shimmery, make sure to take pictures to share with your gay friend. Even though they could definitely do it better, they still want to see. Happy blending, theydies!