Eggplant Horoscopes October 2020

October is finally upon us. While the events of this year don’t bode well for those who need an excuse to pull out their fishnets for a weekend, The Eggplant FSU’s team of casual Costar users is ready to give you some good (and honest) predictions about how this next month may go. So sit down with some hot chocolate and that brand new pair of knitting needles because baby, it’s spoopy season. 

Aries

Fiery Aries, get ready to thrive during this month. The horror of Halloween is something that has never really resonated with you (you’re more of a Christmas gal if we’re being honest). Thankfully, the COVID restrictions have basically destroyed the holiday and its usual festivities. Take this month to relax, catch up on your shows, and pop that Mariah CD in your car extra early. You need all the cheer you can get. 

Taurus

Halloween represents a time of friendship, goofs, and delicious Pinterest treats your Adderall-addicted roommate will compulsively bake throughout the entire month. Taurus, we want you to put the diet aside and delete that god awful MyFitnessPal and enjoy the delicacies this month has to offer. Gorge on candy corn, eat all of the mini Twix in sight, and keep on baking those pumpkin sugar cookies. We love to see it. 

Gemini

Unfortunately for you, Mercury goes into retrograde on the thirteenth. This is famously a really bad thing, but never fret, Gem. The bad bitch that takes no prisoners' side of you is sure to come out when you need it most and save the day. Use this next week and a half to recharge before diving into that argument you plan on having with your roommate about doing the dishes. Also, when was the last time you washed your sheets?

Cancer

Like a crab, you tend to retreat into your shell at any sign of danger, Cancer. We don’t blame you for this -- the world is a scary place, especially right now! But make sure not to miss out on fun (CDC safe) outings this month just because you’re afraid to live on the wild side. Will the Holy Haunted Hayride at the Catholic Church that you’re roommates invited you to actually be fun? Probably not. But what else do you have to do? Weep? Yearn? Just go.

Leo

You’re the king of the jungle, Leo. Everyone looks to you for guidance and leadership, so for the love of God, don’t use this power to invite your chem study group to the first ‘post-COVID’ Purg at Pots. Make wise decisions, as others value your insight for whatever reason (no offense). Don’t let your inner party girl get too buck wild at the prospect of reopened clubs -- if you could get diseases there before COVID, you certainly can during it.

Virgo

We know that your astrological sign basically means ‘virgin’ (which, like, embarrassing!) but try to use this to your advantage, Virg. Is your archnemesis going to the socially-distanced Halloween party (fittingly) as a devil? Well, take this opportunity to one-up her as a sweet, innocent angel. Hopefully, no one in attendance remembers when you made out with a busted security guard at the Strip in 2018. 

Libra

You’re the queen of moderation and balance, Libra, as exemplified by your astrological symbol. During October (your birthday month!!!) we ask that you not take this so seriously and allow yourself to be imperfect from time to time. So what if you forgot to blow out any of your eight Bath and Body Works seasonal candles before leaving the house? What’s the worst that can happen?

Scorpio

The end of October brings about the fierce waves of Scorpio season, and it’s safe to say that we’re all going to feel like we’re drowning. With everything that’s going on in the world, we encourage you to take this month to set aside some ‘me time’ and enjoy the solitude of…um…your own company. Interpret that any way you deem fit ;).

Sagittarius

Hey Sag, your season is around the corner, yet you don’t feel at peace with yourself at all. Try not to stress about the things that are out of your control this month and instead focus on what you can change, like your disastrous sleep schedule or tendency to leave various plastic cups around your room. We love Gordos and Gaines Street Pies just as much as you, but let those drink vessels take a bath in the dishwasher every now and then.

Capricorn

Babe, you need to let loose. No, we don’t mean crawling your way up the Recess stairs like every other idiot in this city. You’re far too smart for that. Ignore the fact that Tinder makes you feel bad and program some swipe time into that busy schedule of yours. The world needs to remember that you’re sexy, not just that you’re really good at being fifteen minutes early to things. 

Aquarius

Oh sweet, distant Aquarius. As always, it’s time for you to speak up and say what you’re feeling. Hooking up with your hot friend is all fun and games until you force yourself to yearn in solitude like a young Victorian woman leaning out of a very tall window. You are not Keira Knightly! None of us are Keira Knightly! Stop being from ye olde times and put on your big girl pants.

Pisces

Two full moons illuminate the gaping holes at the beginning and end of your month, dear Pisces. Let the light of the moon sparkle onto the Divine intuition always flowing through you. Also, moisturize! Dry air is here and the leaves cracking under your feet should not resemble your smile lines...cracking. Shine on scaly fish.