Himbos Offering Services To Break Down Doors for Drunks Who Forgot Their Keys
Living in an apartment complex occupied solely by rambunctious college-aged alcoholics who don’t know any better than to go feral after getting off their parents’ leash for the first time in their lives certainly has its quirks. It’s only a month into the new semester, but there's no doubt that even a global pandemic can’t push people to make smart decisions that don’t end with them drunkenly floundering and wailing outside their locked doors at 3 AM. But have no fear! Himbos of FSU are stepping up and volunteering their assistance in breaking down doors for the sad (and hopefully hot) drunks of Tallahassee.
“Who knew the Chads of Florida State actually had a singular redeeming quality. For years, I thought they were only good for keg stands and hazing. But Nathan, the Chad who saw me kicking the door to my apartment in the middle of the night, didn’t even hesitate in ramming into the door with more force than my freshman year RA,” said Cassidy Lynch, the kind of girl to get wasted off two Trulys and forget that her keys are in her pocket.“I may be a strong, independent and modern woman, but sometimes you just gotta sit back and enjoy watching a 180 pound beefcake tear down a door through sheer force. I saw the wrath of God in that man’s eyes and quite frankly, I have no shame in stating that it kind of turned me on.”
“In my intro to psych class, I think they once mentioned savior complexes or some shit. I dunno man, I do this one thing for a girl and now she won’t stop texting and thanking me,” said local door-busting hero Nathan Brust, who was so unsurprised that he received so much praise for this one good deed that it proves just how little men have to do for recognition. “I’ve decided to put my upstart small business for men's body spray that smells like sexy post-workout sweat, ‘Jacked and Steamy,’ on hold. Instead, I’m setting up a service for helping the drunk college kids in town get home safely.” Nathan then gave a double thumbs-up before asking how to get a Kickstarter set up in the first place.
While there are many kind people like Nathan out there--including Garrett, Bryce, Jake and many enthusiastic Ryans--make smart choices and communicate with your friends about your current situation and safety both during and after a long wild night. Besides, no one wants to be caught doing a walk of shame outside of their own apartment. We see you, and so do your neighbors from their living room window.