“This Party Is SO Dead!” Jokes Friend as They Cope With Your Failure of a Halloween Party
You bought a bag of party size Doritos. You created the most heinous punch that couldn’t be kept down by even the strongest of stomachs. You did everything you could to throw the craziest Halloween party ever. What was supposed to be a monster mash of an event became graveyard trash as no one besides you and your roommate showed up. It was beyond uncomfortable. You advertised it as, “Tallahassee’s Halloween Horror Nights” everywhere online only for someone to comment “more like Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party”. It’s still a bit unclear if that specifically ended your spooky celebration.
“I tried to comfort him with some puns, but then the waterworks started. I should have ditched and gone to a frat house. That would be a different kind of discomfort at a party,” admitted the host’s roommate who would not pay for half of the party decorations, similar to their bad habit of neglecting the dishes. “I liked the direction. We bought these cheap purple and green lights to get everyone in the spooky mood and even set up a tub to bob for apples. That is where everything started to fall apart. Turns out, we only had one outlet in the living room and I bought red delicious apples instead of honeycrisp. We’ve only got a half-illuminated room and apples no sane and normal person would willingly bite! This party was only a ton of tricks and no treats. Shit, sorry. It’s hard to break out of the puns once you get going.”
“I peeked in through the window Scream-style once I heard the two of them start arguing. Someone said that, ‘not even ghosts would haunt this house after this shitshow’ and then I heard loud thumps below me. I kind of hoped to see them getting freaky after that shitty joke but nope, they were beating the shit out of each other,” explained down-stairs neighbor and apparent voyeur Morty Adams as he ate the leftover red delicious apples. “I feel like Halloween parties have a different power over them compared to normal parties. Much like a type of seasonal depression, everyone just puts on a costume and goes apeshit when October rolls around. Full werewolf. The vampire from Hotel Transylvania. Nosferatu. The worst stories I have about parties are always Halloween ones. It’s always a good memory in hindsight, but I always reek of candy corn and poor decisions the morning after.”
Despite the flop, you’re not going to quit after one bad party. College has way, way too many bad parties for that to be a good reason. No, you are going to suck the soul, no wait, scare the soul out of everyone next year. You are the Jack Skellington of Halloween parties. And hey, Christmas is right around the corner!