Guy Who Posted Vaccine Card Has Never Posted Girlfriend of 2 Years
Good news: people are slowly starting to get vaccinated which means that things are on their way back to normal. Before we know it, people will be going to clubs, restaurants, and concerts without having to socially distance or wear masks. Of course, this has been going on for months in Tallahassee, but still. With every annoying Instagram story of someone’s vaccine card, the possibility of grinding on a stranger gets closer and closer. One thing that hasn’t changed throughout the pandemic is the guy who never, ever, not even once, posts his girlfriend on social media. So, when he posts a picture of a vaccine card, we’re all left with a lot of questions.
“Look, I don’t post all about my personal life on social media. I try to live in the now,” said FSU philosophy major Cameron Hackman. “My girlfriend knows we’re dating, I don’t feel the need to tell the whole world about it. After 2 years, what am I supposed to post? Woman Crush Wednesday? I am a little more mature and evolved than that. I have better things to post on my account like a picture of my foot, a new song I heard, and especially my vaccine card. We’re living through a global pandemic and we need as many people as possible to get vaccinated. I think that’s a little more important than a happy birthday post to my girlfriend of 730 days. But hey, I actually care about the good of society.”
Cameron’s girlfriend, Angela, an applied mathematics major, shared her thoughts on the lack of love on her bf’s insta.. “Sure it hurts my feelings that he still doesn’t post me after 2 years. But I’m sure there’s a reason why. That’s why I’ve been using MyFitnessPal and going to the gym everyday -- to be the girl he wants to post. In 6 weeks, I’ll be...well I don’t know how many pounds because I’m not logging enough calories per day in the app, but definitely less than now. But we’re a mature couple and he doesn’t have to post me or remember my birthday for me to know that we’re in love. So if he wants to post his vaccine card and not anything for our anniversary, it doesn’t even matter. I’ll just go for a run.”
For all the girls out there who have had to beg your boyfriend to post more of you than a sliver of your hand on an Instagram story, this summer will be filled with disappointment as he posts a whole slideshow of his vaccination process. Just know that the problem isn’t that you’re not good enough--it’s that he wants to cheat with randos on the weekends you’re visiting your family without having the girls DM you, “hey girl I know I don’t know you but can we talk?” Save yourself the heartbreak: dump him, get your vaccine, and move on.