Apple Refusing To Replace Macbook for Tote Bag Girl Caught in Rain

Fall semester is finally back in session, and so are sweaty walks up and down the Diffenbaugh hill while pretending not to regret the nitro cold brew you just inhaled. The ultimate accessory, of course, to making your way through the Liberal Arts section of campus is the coveted tote bag. Versatile, reliable, customizable. Every girl needs one! However, things can get extremely sticky when Tallahassee gets more than a little…wet. Unfortunately for one of these self-proclaimed “tote bag girls,” trouble was found when her trusty MacBook Pro with RedBubble sourced Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Mandalorian stickers on the front endured a little rain damage. Could she rely on good ol’ Steve Jobs to save the day? Of course not!

“I just don’t understand why they won’t give me a new one,” complained resident Alpha Chi Omega tote bag girl Alyssa McCarthy. “My GirlBoss stickers are on the case, so they could transfer right over. I thought my AppleCare included water damage, but apparently, I didn’t read the fine print between all my scrolling on the Buzzfeed #freebleeding tag and changing the icons on my custom desktop folders. The other day when I was trying to get to my strong independent women of the apocalypse lecture, I got hit with a sudden rainstorm and just couldn’t protect my precious USB-C ports enough.”

“We don’t replace devices that have been knowingly damaged by water,” admitted John Isaac, a UCF student who works at the local Apple store just three short hours away. “She would've gotten away with telling me that it fell down the stairs or got stolen. Unfortunately, when I asked her how the computer got damaged, she whipped out her red and black Depop tote bag that she ‘grailed’ at Market Wednesday. I thought at first that her “AXΩ <3’s The Noles” pin might have come loose and punctured the screen, but it turns out she was just caught in one of Tallahassee’s famous five-minute torrential downpours. That’s what you get for having non-functional school supplies, I guess.”

Don’t be like Alyssa. You should always have an umbrella or raincoat with you on campus, especially if you carry your exposed laptop around in a bag that doesn’t even have a magnet closure. Being a tote bag girl might seem fun and quirky, but nothing is without its problems. Looking cool isn’t worth a $1500 price tag for a new computer, as well as a trip to Jacksonville since God decided Tallahassee isn’t worthy of an Apple store...