Top SLUTTIEST Halloween costumes for SIGMA females
Walter White
It’s no surprise that another year has gone by with more and more spotlight shone on the Breaking Bad series. With Better Call Saul recently finishing up, this year is one of your last chances for the Breaking Bad costumes to be way less overdone and corny. The opportunity of wearing tighty wighties and a loose button-up shirt will definitely make you the talk of your friends' weirdly decorated and poorly planned costume party.
Patricia Bateman
2. A Patrick Bateman gender-bend…do we need to say more? Nothing screams sex appeal like a well-tailored suit and tie with a beautiful designer raincoat covered in blood. Patrick Bateman is a cult classic guy Halloween fit, but who says girls can’t be American Psychos? Patricia is perfect for the indie girls who already have the pretentious headphones and music taste to go with the iconic wall street mogul. Don’t forget it’s always nice having an in-character excuse to leave a party (to return some videotapes).
Snookie (Jersey Shore)
3. The scariest costumes are always the real ones. Nothing screams horror like the most orange spray tan known to man, although plenty of sorority girls can’t seem to get enough of it. The Jersey Shore is a real sleeper pick this year, but we’re surprised more people aren’t in on the trend. It’s the perfect way to blend in at FSU! If you go with Snookie this year, you have a perfect reason to get the most belligerently drunk you’ve ever been and physically fight people all while being on brand with the “character.”
Holden Caulfield (Catcher in the Rhye)
4. Holden Caulfield, much like the modern-day titans of inceldom, is a pioneer of his craft. Yet again, nothing screams hot like the main character of a book who’s partially responsible for John Lennon’s death. Holden is often described as angsty, angry, and escapist, do we have to even go on? Not to mention everyone loves a low-effort costume. Everyone who gets it is going to go crazy (they will stay away from you).
Bill Clinton When He Said He Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman
5. Classic Bill. The peak Sigma costume is making a comeback after many years (and elections) in retirement. Time to party like it’s January 1998. The true Sigma female knows that you don’t work for misogyny, you make misogyny work for you. This costume requires zero effort. Just pretend you’re innocent and have a sax on hand to tune out the press!
Joe Exotic
6. Nothing says Halloween like wrangling some illegally-kept tigers and a show that had a very unsuccessful second season. This costume is relatively easy to replicate, just Google it. The Sigma female aspect of this costume is to make some men (your bitches) dress up as tigers. Bonus points if you invalidate your straight female friends’ sexualities and tell them they’ve been gay this whole time for you. Joe Exotic is not a costume, but a lifestyle. Sigma females know life imitates art (reality TV).
Kim Jong-un
7. No one knows how to live, laugh, and love better than ol’ Kimmy. It’s undeniable that Kim Jong-un is the ultimate Sigma female. Most girls this Halloween will dress up as Kim Kardashian, but they are dressing as the wrong Kim. True Sigma females assert their dominance. Kim K makes SKIMS and the other makes bombs; you tell me who the real Sigma female is. To master this costume, you’ll need CEO blue-light glasses (readily found at Claire’s). The rest of the costume is easy– just dress like a Catholic pedophile priest.
Jim Cantore On TV When He Defies All Forces of Nature
8. When hurricane and winter storm season approaches, Sigma females turn on the Weather Channel. True Sigma females don’t know if they like Jim Cantore, or if they want to be Jim Cantore. This costume is simple, throw on your rain jacket and sensible shoes, and pack your sex appeal. Start running into dangerous situations and have your friends film it. In fact, skip Halloween entirely. Drive to the nearest storm and jump in the water, bald head first.
The Joker
9. We saved the best for last. A timeless classic. Nothing screams mentally unstable more than a sexy Joker costume. Forget about Harley Quinn this year, if you really want attention (professionally and from your friends) you’ll do your best incel impression and get really wine drunk before putting on the iconic red smile. You probably already act like a clown anyways, so dressing up as the clown princess of crime is probably the most self-explanatory costume yet.