Sixth-Year Excited to Learn ‘Bowling’ is Being Offered as a Course
The long-anticipated Student Union is finally up and running (only 3 years late). With these new renovations comes an exciting new sport for intramural addicts to sign up for: bowling! It may sound as believable as a swimming pool on Strozier's roof, but there is actually a bowling alley in the basement of the Union. FSU wanted to capitalize on this new addition even further by offering bowling as a 1-hour credit course for double the cost of a normal 3-hour course.
As Bowling Alley Manager and self-proclaimed bowling enthusiast Hugh Janus stated, “We had to cover the costs somehow. It was either that or force the Business students to sell more World’s Finest Chocolate bars, but that was deemed unsuccessful the first three attempts.” The class will be offered during peak afternoon hours so that everyone can see what a freak you are by signing up for a bowling class. The class is BYOB, meaning Bring Your Own Ball (and shoes) because the alley doesn’t want your “stank ass feet” contaminating their display shoes. And for the full experience package, students will be served pizza dripping in grease and flat soda (for the low, low price of $10 per tummy ache). According to Janus, this course is, “the best thing since sliced bread” and many students are ready to “get their bowl on!” (whatever that means).
This course is perfect for anyone struggling to reach the 120-hour requirement (*cough cough Communication majors*) or STEM students who just need a brain break. A sixth-year senior named Candace Dick was thrilled to hear about this new course. “I’ve taken every elective this school has to offer so I was starting to get nervous that I’d be forced to graduate soon. I’m a Gender Studies major so my degree is pretty much worthless, might as well enjoy my time while I’m here!” That’s the attitude! Candace had so much room in her schedule that she signed up for five sessions of this class. “This could be my ticket to the Bowling Olympics! With enough practice, I could be there for the 2028 Summer Games,” she exclaimed excitedly. The Eggplant fact-checkers confirmed that bowling is NOT an Olympic sport. Stay in school kids– except in this case.
Even though the bowling class may be FSU’s attempt at making a quick buck, one thing is for sure, you can add “bowling alley” to the extensive list of things that make FSU better than UF. Some students just can’t wait to, “get their bowl on” so if that’s you, make sure to rub it in a Gator’s face and remind them how much better FSU is than UF. Seriously, have you told them yet?