The Boys Couldn’t Be More Excited That It’s “T-Shirt and Shorts” Weather Again
Cold weather has long been a special occasion in Florida. Many have come to expect the hazardous amount of mosquitos or the “wet blanket” feeling of the humidity from our beloved Sunshine State. Yet, when a light breeze rolled through Landis Green last week, everyone was eager to flex their L.L.Bean jackets and wool scarves they bought for their family trip to North Carolina. Everyone adored the cold weather, that is, except for the famous boys (known across the pond as “absolute lads”) of Florida State University. Normally during the winter and fall, their pastel Polo shirts and ill-fitting Bermuda shorts have had to take the backseat as they were forced into the fashion purgatory of Under Armour jackets and overpriced Warriors’ hoodies. But without the most iconic piece of their get-up: the shorts, who are the boys, truly?
“The lads and I are not having any of this below 60 nonsense. I can’t blind my bros and my professors with my nearly translucent upper thighs if I’m wearing outerwear,” explained resident bro Chadothy Kyleson. “We don’t ask for much. We’re simple men with simple needs. We want to walk about in the most expensive, name-brand nonsense we can find and flex on all the peasantry of Tallahassee. The boys and I need the recognition and admiration for our dedication to the Dr!p L!fe. Fear of our massive, aggressive clout is also fine. My homeboy Machiavelli was delivering the truth about respect before any of the boys were alive.”
“It’s a shame that it’s getting warmer again. I really liked seeing all the boys have to at least briefly consider what they are going to wear around campus,” confessed random passerby Heather Rogers, who insisted on wearing plaid scarves and leather boots year-round as a way of expressing her devotion to Christianity. “Why are we letting these guys get away with this! I understand we have off-days and sometimes we walk into class wearing our hoodies and sweatpants that reek of vomit. But, it’s bizarre that a man can wear a deodorant stained graphic tee every single day and not fear judgment. There needs to be accountability!”
While there may be no hope for men’s fashion, the warmer weather will return the beloved boys to their usual attire. Once again, the streets and sidewalks of Tallahassee will be filled with saturated pinks, box-shaped shorts, and the signature long-but-not-too-long Nike socks paired with the finest sneakers their moms could buy. The bros will be back in action, but the rest of the world will have to keep dealing with the crime against fashion until capital punishment in the form of a 20-degree cold snap steps in.