Florida State Administration Proves that Crime Isn't the Only Thing they Refuse to Take Action On

Tuesday morning, Florida State students were greeted with dark skies, a torrential downpour, and the pleasure of trying to figure out whether or not they would have to get out of bed. However, despite the undeniable evidence that venturing outdoors was not safe, the school chose not to cancel classes, thus continuing to let the storm diminish FSU’s reputation. “We simply don’t have enough facts to make a case against the storm here,” said one FSU official. “There are a lot of questions still waiting to be answered: is it actually raining? How bad is the thunder and lightning? What are our students wearing? Because if they’re not covering up with a raincoat, they’re sort of asking for it.”

The day’s events raise the important question of whether or not certain storms get special treatment. Earlier this year, classes were cancelled due to a “snow day,” which leaves many wondering why the school did not follow the same procedure for the tornado. FSU administrator Bradley Mullan explained that he “didn’t want to ruin the reputation of the tornado, in case it turned out to be innocent.”

Although most students are outraged at the university’s lack of concern for their overall safety, many want the tornado to know that it has their overall support no matter what. “It’s not the tornado’s fault that that huge tree got knocked over and blocked North Woodward,” said diehard storm chaser Jack Gruder. “It’s the tree’s fault for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Students have taken their support for the storm to social media with the sarcastic hashtag #blamethetornado. Within hours it became the top trend on Twitter in the Tallahassee area. “This is our small way of protesting the mainstream media who are so biased that they use actual facts to report what happened,” said Gruder. “But as everyone who uses this hashtag knows, we’ll never let facts and hard evidence change our opinion about anything.”