Man Sells Own Child on ‘Free & For Sale’ Facebook Group

As the new school year approaches and students move into new residences, FSU’s Free & For Sale Facebook group is booming with great deals on out-of-style clothing, questionably damaged furniture, and adorable pets who, as it turns out, actually need care and attention. In the midst of what seemed to be a crucial lapse of sound reasoning, local human garbage Darren Evans decided to include his first-born son as an item for sale in a post amongst other various items, including a greasy xbox controller and some untouched self-help books sent from concerned family members. “I don’t get what the big deal is,” he said, organizing his drawer of Monster Energy T-shirts. “I just didn’t realize my new apartment wasn’t child-friendly. Simple mistake.”

Upon realizing that such a policy does not exist, Evans fumbled behind his next self-pitying excuse, confessing that he “underestimated how much of a commitment it would be” and that he’s “just a college kid trying to figure things out!

Such excuses did not suffice for professional Facebook arguer and Good Person Krystal Fleming, who made sure to completely solve the problem by relentlessly shaming the man. “I got into a long, heated argument with Darren in the comments section, a few people consistently liked my comments as it progressed, so clearly I won. But more importantly, justice won.”

Fleming even went, in her own words, above and beyond, adding, “I made sure to post screenshots of it in Free Food at Florida State, DIY Tallahassee, and all of the graduating class groups, so that even non-Free & For Sale members who probably have better things to do would be aware of the issue. You’re welcome, ’Noles.”

Regardless of Fleming’s admirable efforts to be the change she wishes to see in the world, Evans has confirmed that he’s “already gotten 3 offers on the kid, so fuck off.”