Adidas To Change Name To Delta Gamma

After Delta Gamma capitalized on popular brand Adidas’ logo, the company realized they could increase profits by taking advantage of the free marketing and just changing their name to Delta Gamma. Although they already have endorsements from celebrities such as Kanye West, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, the brand has decided that partnering with the sorority whose bid day video is the most circulated on gross fraternity publications would be much more effective. “We have spent many years branding ourselves as a hip athleisure brand, but there is something about hot girls wearing your label that is just more effective. After thinking about the potential negative consequences, we decided that Delta Gamma has a better ring overall than Adidas ever did,” explained Adidas CEO Herbert Hainer as he experimented with various sorority names before ultimately deciding that DG still looked the best. “They also promised that they would add me to their GroupMe so I could read all the hot goss instead of just waiting for the big stuff to be put on Yik Yak.”

“To me, this sounds like a pretty risky business vent- okay wait, I just got the best idea for a Halloween costume,” said Delta Gamma sister Katie Gorman before adding a white dress shirt, crew socks and wayfarer sunglasses to her Amazon cart. “I don’t mind if Adidas wants to use our name, but they need to make sure their customers know to wear makeup and look cute if they’re going to wear our letters.” The switch will take place in the fall of 2016 while Delta Gamma participates in fall rush, a process no less excruciating than what getting run over by a truck could be assumed to feel like. The company believes the competitive nature of rush is perfect for fall sales, and is as white as most of the hypebeasts already wearing Adidas, which will allow for a seamless branding transition.