Strozier to Open Crenshaw Lanes in Now Defunct Café Since “Y’All Mess Around Anyway”

Much like everything else on campus, new buildings at FSU are seldom built on time. Let’s face it - by the time the “new” Earth, Ocean, and Atmospheric Science building has a grand opening, Salley will already be a big ol’ pile of rubble. After last year’s tragic flooding during finals week, the student body and Strozier Library suffered yet another great loss: the closing of the booth café. Once filled with students hoarding Chick-fil-A bags and obnoxiously loud typing, the hallway of Failed Exams Past is now just a pile of HVAC tubing. In order to save time and money, the Student Activity Center decided to refurbish the area with a classic FSU spin. Introducing: the new and improved Crenshaw Lanes.

“On most Sunday nights, that lounge sounded like a bunch of theatre kids at a Waffle House performing their mediocre rendition of ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream.’ I was just trying to organize the anime section from most interesting to most likely to include furries when I heard yet another Lil’ Timmy scream ‘what fools these mortals be!’ after running out of attempts on his WebAssign,’ sighed Director of Special Collections and HBIC of the front desk, Debbie Stone as she rearranged books from the 1920s for the sixth time this week. “Besides, refurbishing that café into Crenshaw Lanes wouldn’t change the demographic; it’s not like anyone sits there to actually study. At least with this new addition, we can move the attention away from the bathrooms that haven’t seen a renovation since 1969.”

“I don’t understand why they can’t just push aside the open pipes and electrical wires to put in some tables. It’s so time-consuming to have to walk from the back of the first floor to that Starbucks so I can order my third double shot espresso. I’m not trying to get my steps in; just let me fill the void in my heart in peace,” lamented prospective nursing student currently bombing Orgo, Morgan McCarthy, after begrudgingly walking up to the second floor only to realize that the last stall in the girls bathroom was ominously covered by a black trash bag once again. “How is moving Crenshaw Lanes into the café going to help with anything? And why now? If the open springs on the chairs didn’t bring up talks about renovation, how did a little bit of water cause mass panic?”

While the new Starbucks was erected in less time than actual buildings planned to open two semesters ago, it’s nice to have a break from aggressively headbutting inverted fishbowl lamps that serve no purpose other than to smite unsuspecting students. Whether or not anyone will ever actually study on the first floor, students are eagerly waiting for the reopening of the area just so they can flex their new Redbubble stickers to uncaring strangers and life-hating baristas alike. Club Stroz forever.