FSU Bans Overpriced Posters at Market Wednesday, Still Cool With Hate Speech
Ever since Oglesby Union was reduced to a slow-moving heap of brick-paved hell, FSU hasn’t been the same. Market Wednesday was reduced from a lively hub for student organizations into a table vomit on Legacy Walk whose crowdedness rivals I-10 traffic on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Recently, it was exposed that a vendor that dominated the space with flags perfect letting girls know they shouldn’t date also carried and sold Nazi flags. Although President Thrasher has since kinda-sorta-not-really condemned the business, the criminally overpriced vendors that target freshmen who have never experienced a flea market before have finally faced punishment for their crimes, namely selling $35 posters. While students are overjoyed to be ecstatic to now save on their Ron Swanson’s Pyramid of Greatness posters, others aren’t quite so sure that a price cut on dorm essentials will do much to protect the student body.
“I remember the first time I bought a poster at Market Wednesday. It was literally $35. I could have easily gone to Five Below for something cheaper and not heat damaged,” said local student leader James Wiggle while forking over his Venmo information to a relentless Dance Marathon bully. “But the real gag is that they finally have a chance to make real change that isn’t related to scamming the type of people that think an Animal House poster is a good investment. They could get rid of literal hate propaganda—or at least sell some jewelry that isn’t just a crystal on a string. Instead, the university decided to let us know that no matter how angry they are, they’re still horny for “free speech” It’s almost like it’s their job to create a space that doesn’t welcome hate, but here we are.”
“As a university, we value freedom of speech and inquiry as stated in the Seminole Creed. Thus, in order to accommodate vendors that pay us high rates for a table and chair in the middle of Legacy Walk, we have to be a little morally ambiguous,” stated Jane Asher, a university representative, while approving yet another $60 t-shirt to be sold in the bookstore that just said “nODELLoles.” “It just makes sense to get their fingies in the shitty poster business, but it would be a breach of the first amendment if we discouraged them from selling white nationalist merch. Plus the frat dads in the Presidents’ Box continue to funnel money into the university regardless, so it’s not really our problem.
All in all, this University has an interesting track record of replying to questionable ideology (read: just plain fucking racism). The helpfulness of their responses to any campus news that won’t help line their pockets for yet another abysmal football season has rivaled that of a library Starbucks during rush hour. Hopefully, in the future, they can actually limit who sells what at the place they completely control. In the meantime, these vendors are left to sell to anyone with large pockets and no sense of morality. But hey, maybe one day, FSU won’t back away from anything that remotely tarnishes their reputation. Anyways, isn’t The Edison like the best restaurant in town?