“Am I Hungry or Is It Just in Front of Me?” Exploring the Suwannee Room Effect

Scientists from all over have begun to investigate what they call the “Suwannee Room Effect” which has caused countless students to swipe their FSU IDs and fill their little plates to critical capacity. Foods like pork loin or vegetables that some students would never think of eating are suddenly more appetizing than the Chick-fil-A sandwich you could get if you just had the will to spend a whole $4 instead. The fluorescent lights and heat lamps draw students to stale food like a moth to a flame. Findings have shown that students aren’t any hungrier, only amazed that they can have Frosted Flakes and a hamburger for lunch.

A change in food preference is not the only trick that the mysterious room plays on students. What seems like ten minutes in there is actually 45 minutes in the real world. “I actually miss a class every day because I keep going to Suwannee before to get a slice of pizza for lunch. There is just something magical about burned cardboard with a slathering of sour tomato sauce,” said fifth-year sports management student, Russell Benson. “Sitting alone with my garlic knots on my plate and my headphones in, it’s hard to imagine that there’s anything better out there.”

A focus group yielded no results. All of the participants walked in, and in unison, chanted: “I used to be one of those fools, waiting in line for a Chick-fil-A sandwich, blindly participating in corporate America. But then I woke up and smelled the disinfectant and realized that I could have as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted. Thank God for Suwannee.” They then walked out single file and headed to get some late-night breakfast.

Can you ever have too much money? Is it possible to have too much happiness? Is it true hunger or just availability? These are some of the questions scholars have been debating for centuries, and they may never reach an answer. While the Health and Wellness Center tries to convince students that eating a burnt brownie topped with vanilla soft serve that was made hours earlier is not a good idea and the freshman 50 is not a real thing, they are still entranced by the siren’s song that is the Suwannee Room. There is no telling how long a person can stay there before realizing that FSU has other food on campus. Every student will enter the belly of the beast as innocent as a newborn baby, and leave tapping the smiliest face on the dining experience survey iPad with their sticky fingers.