Flying High Circus Halloween Show Cancelled Due To Hazmat Suit Complications
One of Florida State’s most coveted Talloween activities for those that are either still freshmen or have parents who peaked at FSU visiting is the Flying High Circus’ Annual Halloween Show Series. Unfortunately, despite ardent attempts to de-coronify the beloved event, the circus has officially canceled this year’s production. The original plan was to have every performer in their own hazmat suit, however, during the first rehearsal, the trapeze artists’ masks started to fog up with condensation from their own sweat, causing two students to completely miss each other and crash to the ground. A series of other solutions were brainstormed, but after half of the acrobats were injured, the circus became just another headstone in the graveyard of lost indie concerts and nerdy movies due to COVID-19.
“I’ve broken two ribs, my left leg, and my tailbone, but you know what hurts the most? My heart. This is my last semester and there won’t even be a show!” cried Solei Barnum, lead Trapeze and avid EDM hula hooper as she chalked up her hands for one last go at the glorified swing-set in the sky. “We tried so hard to get me back in the show. We even attempted to throw my lifeless body between the acrobats, but apparently, FSU is a little wearier of being sued than usual. I guess it’s all of that missing parking ticket money.” Barnum reported that in honor of the canceled show, the performers will be having their own private shindig between themselves, though the details of this event were classified to anyone over five foot three.
“I’m so sad this show was canceled. Ever since my orientation leader told me about how FSU has one of the only collegiate circus’ in the nation, it’s been the only thing on my mind. Well, that and whether or not the circus tent doubles as an extermination device,” said sad freshman Noah Feldman as he absolutely nailed a new yo-yo trick. “I even wanted to try out at the beginning of the semester since they say you don’t need any prior skills, but at the end of it, I couldn’t tell my sweat from my tears. Both of those things were ultimately my demise on the monkey bars. I appreciate the dedication to the craft; boy do those folks know how to hold stuff.”
What was once the most raved about Halloween event outside of all of the clubs and bars within a 10-mile radius has now officially been canceled, so is there any Halloween spirit left? Now, all the people that actually care about the ongoing pandemic will have to submit to hardly watching a horror movie off of their laptop and eating their weight in whatever candy variety pack the Woodward CVS had left. Regardless, the Flying High Circus performers will still be way tinier than you. Bitches.