CDU Organizes Sustainably Sourced Jewelry-Making Event After Public Melting of Bobby Bowden Statue
Another day, another glorious event put on by everyone’s favorite Doc Martens-wearing student organization, Club Downunder. Staying true to their method of culturally relevant gatherings, our friends at CDU have done it again--this time, taking a stance against the controversial comments and presidential endorsement made by former FSU Football coach Bobby Bowden. Rather than posting a screenshotted notes app statement on the incident, our campus creatives have decided to take a stand in the best and quirkiest way they know how--by melting down Bowden’s signature bronze statue and turning it into sustainably-sourced jewelry.
“Here at CDU, we’re dedicated to two things: cuffing our high-waisted jeans, and social justice,” said Club Downunder organizer and aspiring barista Sami Laurents as she screen-printed another ‘Chains for Change’ t-shirt to hand out at the event. “Bobby Bowden’s statement on COVID-19 and the election was definitely embarrassing for the FSU community. Anything seems possible this year, but somehow ‘Beloved Football Legend Actually Being a Bad Person’ didn’t make it onto our 2020-themed bingo cards. We hope that by melting the Bowden statue into dangly earrings and septum charms, alternative Florida State students will have a reason to live that goes beyond Barry Jenkins.”
Not everyone was impressed with the organization’s attempt at righting a wrong with the tantalizing promise of sustainably-sourced goods. “Yeah, I thought the event was kinda lame. To be fair, it was pretty cool seeing them burn the statue like some sort of public effigy. It was actually a little chilly that night, so the warmth from the fire was comforting,” said FSU Junior Cailan Gomez while detangling her chunky chain-link necklaces. “The whole thing seems like a crazy burn hazard. I know CDU employees are into niche hobbies, but I doubt any of them are experienced blacksmiths. Plus, all the jewelry people made looked like dogshit. No, really. The bronze hardened into small mounds before it could be shaped.”
With the state of the world being nothing short of a Strozier-Starbucks-during-finals level of disaster, the sweet antics of everyone’s favorite group of oversized-sweater-owners are a welcomed distraction. Even if it is virtually impossible to create flexible body chains out of Bobby Bowden’s melted metal body, the eco-friendly intentions behind such a task do a great job at showcasing the true spirit of the FSU community. While the former football coach’s comments added yet another stain to the university’s tomato-splattered reputation, one thing is clear: those CDU bastards never run out of ideas.