“We See It” Says Dull Student About Classmate’s Highlight

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In this booming digital age, lighting and visual impact has more meaning now than ever, as our entire social sphere is forced to see us through a webcam. While some might relish in the opportunity to hide their pores behind their pixels, others are investing in every trick available to make sure that they absolutely shine. Their video feed flashes into each Zoom grid with so much light on their face, it's rumored to cause the instructor’s server to glitch. These lighting lunatics are dropping into classes with more impact than the Zoom bombers, mostly because they’re using natural light and a loose glitter highlight.

Dadrian Poof, AKA @DaddyPoof on IG, is out and proud about being a lighting lover and highlight whore. The dazzling diva admitted through an Instagram live that he’s an expert in the field of stunts and is doing research in the study of rigonometry. “At first I thought my window was cute, but now I need at least three lamps, a mirror, and duct-tape to make the sides of my face glimmer in an obvious way. I’m still working on my plan for when it’s cloudy.” When asked about his shimmer, Poof had this to say, “My highlight? Just a casual little loose pigment pressed over a glossy base. So kind of you to ask considering how catty some of our poorly-lit peers can get about a good glow.” 

Amanda Tonks, a classmate of Poof and sufficiently-lit Zoom user, admits to noticing Poof’s highlight but denies ever being ‘catty.’ “Yes, I said ‘we see it,’, He’d been asking if his video was clear since the beginning of the meeting as an obvious excuse to try out new angles. Every opportunity to chat, he was polling the class on how his ‘lighting’ looked. Eventually, when his questions started addressing specific areas of his own face, I thought it might just save time to tell him we could see it. Am I not allowed to say it?” As Tonks continued dissecting the drama between her and Poof, she received an Insta call from @DaddyPoof. Tonks answered the call only to respond swiftly with, “I told you I’d meet you on live in 20 minutes, bitch.” 

20 minutes later we logged on to @AamandaTonksALot‘s live stream ready for the digital duel to unfold. Unfortunately, we’re still waiting. Within 10 seconds of @DaddyPoof‘s merge onto the IG Live, his highlight was so blinding it caused a ripple in the network tether which ended up short-circuiting Tonks’ iPhone 5. While we anxiously await the classmates’ confrontation, perhaps we could offer thought to how we might make space for mental clarity and healing during this quarantine. 

The Eggplant FSU