Seminole Dining Absolutely Thrilled Top Symptom of COVID Is Loss of Taste and Smell

While everything about our lives has changed (no more parties, in-person classes, or social events), some things have comfortingly stayed the same. Namely that Seminole Dining’s food is still questionable to say the least. But, with the proliferation of COVID-19, some students are noticing that even this loveable and diarrhea-inducing tradition isn’t around anymore. Much to the delight of FSU’s food providers, COVID has dining room patrons losing all semblance of taste and smell.

Megan Rhodes, freshman and proud nursing major of the future, is grateful for the relief that the coronavirus has brought her taste buds. “When I found out I was coming to FSU, my olfactory bulbs and gustatory complex died a little bit. I heard from my older sister’s friend that the food tasted like that time when she accidentally inhaled her grandfather’s ashes while they were scattering him. If I'm going to gain the freshman 15, I want to do it while eating like a New York City food blogger, you know what I mean? Lucky for me, I went to one of the illegal off-campus parties and got COVID from, like, 50 other people. I can’t taste or smell a thing! The dining hall food has never tasted so good.”

Not everyone is so enthused with this outcome, though. Brett Simpson, freshman residence hall ambassador and dedicated lanyard user, is pissed he can’t enjoy Seminole Dining’s food. “I got COVID from my suitemate who went to the football game two weeks ago and it's been terrible. I lost my sense of taste and smell right away, and now my head feels like the inside of a sensory deprivation chamber. You know what I would give to eat a slice of greasy, cardboard pizza, after a long day of Zoom classes? My parents spent $2,200 dollars for the unlimited meal plan and I can’t even taste it?”

Either way, try your best to stay home and safe, even if it’s just to avoid the COVID quarantine meals. We’d be lying if we didn’t crave the occasional slice of greasy Suwannee pizza and purple hummus, too. For now, it’s probably best to finally try out those vegetable things your parents are always talking about. It’s hard to make a bad batch of steamed broccoli when your taste buds are on holiday.