Breaking News: The Girlies Walking Around Campus with the Harry Styles’ Tour Shirts Saw Harry Styles at His Tour Where They Saw Harry Styles Perform at the Harry Styles Tour
In recent news, Harry Styles’ “Love On Tour” has been forever altering the personalities of girly pops everywhere. While his first tour contained an audience that seemed more tailored to his fandom, this tour has proven to be E for everyone who can get their hands on a Party City boa and neon cowboy hat. Following recent Florida tour dates, the campus has been plagued with checkered tour shirts and amorphous blobs stamped onto $2 tote bags (retailing at $79.99). This all leads to one final question: Did you know that one girl walking around campus with the Harry Styles tour shirt saw Harry Styles at his tour where she saw Harry Styles perform at the Harry Styles Tour?
“So I noticed a shift in the energy around campus recently,” started Mrs. Sherry Silva, Associate Dean and print-making Professor at the School of Fine Arts. “The subtle clack of a loafer shoe on the uneven pavement was almost telling enough, but the creepy little smiles young girls would send me while tucking a hair behind their ear is what really did it. Little did I know, Harold Styles had performed in Tampa the night prior.” Silva shivered, pulling her cardigan tighter and folded her arms, looking into the 2-foot distance of her assignment classroom in the dingey building’s basement. “I could barely lecture this morning. I asked what my students did this weekend as a nicety, and Rebecca in the front row walked us through where Harry stood for every song, as well as whether the watermelon or cherry pit had an objectively better view. I’m still not sure what that means.”
“I really wanna stress, I’m not a new fan,” stated Daisy Rutherford, a freshman at Florida State. “I’ve loved him since, like, Watermelon Sugar. I’m just inspired by his love for fruits, pride flags, and giving head.” We hardly glanced at Rutherford’s shirt for a mere second, yet still somehow allotted enough time for her to begin a monologue on why the checkered shirt was a more mature merchandise selection than the shirt with Harry’s face on it despite the fact that everyone knows the shirt is Harry Styles’ merch. In the end, our entire reporting crew was tied up to those plastic chairs on Landis with our eyelids taped open. “Basically, he winked at me by the end of the night. I cannot wait to see what little farm animal he sings about on the next album!”
It’s unfortunate when people attempt to gatekeep a good thing, yet if the last concert someone went to was the Chainsmokers, Harry Styles isn’t exactly next in line. While older fans may complain about the feathers covering venue floors and anti-vaxxers feel that a man in a dress’ concert is the place for them to be, it’s beautiful to see people connecting. Next time you spot some familiar merch on campus, think; That person may have recently seen Harry Styles! Also, did you know that they saw Harry Styles recently? They saw him at the Harry Styles concert, and now, it is unfortunately everyone's problem!