Female Creative Writing Students Preemptively Changing Panties Ahead of Wednesday’s Dayglow Show

Wednesday is going to be a big day for annoying people everywhere. Musical artist Dayglow has been somehow convinced by Club Downunder to make an appearance at The Moon to grace the horny student body of Tallahassee with his presence. Among those most affected by the news are female creative writing majors, specifically those enrolled in CRW 3311: Poetic Technique. Many seem to believe they somehow have a soul tie with the “Hot Rod” singer, and they already have a change of undergarments ready to prove it. 

“I’m not that big of a Dayglow fan, but I am really excited for the show,” said Film Club member Gillian Anderson, attempting to appear aloof and mysterious. “I’m not going to get there early or anything. I’m just going to hangout in the back while I hold a half-finished Bud Light and pretend not to care about that sexy blonde shag. I’m trying to have a Y/N moment and I don’t want any wet panties to disrupt that. I bought some Thinx, you know, the panties that soak up your period blood? I feel like that’s the only thing that will be able to handle all of the feminine juices I’m going to excrete when listening to the Dayglow set. I have another, normal pair of panties in my bag as well just in case things get freaky later.” 

“There was definitely not a satanic ritual performed in order to get this man to play here,” said CDU volunteer Lucas Johnson while furiously scrubbing a pentagram out of the carpet in the CDU office. “It took a lot of backend navigation on our end, but I’m glad that all the Ottessa Moshfegh and William Faulkner fans are going to get horny as a result. We’ve already prepared the janitors at The Moon to be ready with extra mops and buckets to alleviate any moisture that may make its way to the floor. It should be a really good show, so hopefully things don’t get too pungent.” 

If you want to actually make it inside The Moon for the Dayglow show on Wednesday, be sure to get there several hours early in order to avoid all the girlies writing manifestations in their Moleskine journals with Muji pens. You’ll save yourself a lot of time and effort by negating talking to them entirely. As for the show itself, hang onto the barricade, don’t drop your phone, and make sure you wear some shoes with traction.