The Demon Returns To Grant FSU a Miami Victory, Will Delay the Student Union by 2 Years in Exchange

Well folks, it happened. Against all odds, the Florida State Seminoles managed to play what was perhaps the most exciting football game in however long it's been since they were good. But, they didn’t pull off this massive feat without help, and perhaps a bit of ‘divine intervention’. The demon that ushered FSU to a victory against Syracuse has once again returned to Doak Campbell Stadium, this time to grant us with a win against rival University of Miami.

“I already signed my soul away for the Syracuse dub, so I might as well give him my first born to dunk on Miami,” yelled Chad Thaddington from the roof of Pots as he poured a Natty Light over his head. “The whole process was a lot easier this time, I didn’t have to sacrifice a virgin or anything. He just wanted a ham and cheese croissant from the Sweet Shop. Definitely a full send moment. Full send straight to the gates of hell, but a full send nonetheless.”

The demon, named Dennis, sat down with the Eggplant to talk about his busy week. “I was already on campus this week after CDU’s concert talent buyer summoned me to get Dayglow at the Moon. So when Chad hit me up again I was like, ‘yeah sure whatever,” he said while sipping a goblet of blood. “I did forget to mention to him that in exchange, I’ll be delaying the student union by another two years. But at this point, would anyone even notice? I’ve literally been around since the beginning of time and it still feels like forever since Crenshaw Lanes turned to dust.” He then proceeded to list the date and circumstance of the future deaths of each of our staff writers. 

Despite the need for a bit of demonic assistance, FSU’s victory over Miami will undoubtedly remain iconic in the hearts and minds of Florida State fans everywhere. Cheers from Doak were heard from the couples making out at cascades to the gays thrifting at the Goodwill on Monroe.. Going 80-yards in two minutes may have even ushered a tear of pride from the ghost of sweet Bobby B. It only comes at one teeny tiny sacrifice for those graduating this spring. But, hey. What a win to go out on, right?