Student Who Just Became FSU Football Fan Sad Team Lost Again

For many, FSU football games are just a partying ritual. Tailgating with your local friend’s DILF, frat hopping and hanging out with the Chads and Brads inside the stadium make up the perfect day if you’re currently at your peak. The game itself is more incidental than anything, with the all but sure result of a loss for those repping garnet and gold. Some students have never known FSU as a football school, a titan of the ACC. That changed a few fateful weeks ago when the glimmer of hope hit FSU in the form of the FSU vs Miami game. The hot-dog holding tipsy fans were met with a wave of ‘Nole pride. Some students had just become football fans for the first time, and for a moment, FSU was more than just a basketball school...until UF beat FSU. 

“I had never really been to a game before,” said senior education major Maddie Derkins after putting on her sun hat. “Then, senior year, I went to the nail-biter Miami game where we won, and I thought ‘wow, I love this. This is like a spiritual high.’ Not as good as going to my coffee-oriented non-denominational church every week, but close. I was really into football for a moment, and it was genuine, not at all just because we won,” she exclaimed as she chugged the rest of her London Fog. “I actually felt like a fan that went to FSU...until we lost again. All of that anticipation, the deserved win after a whole season of losing...was gone, as soon as we lost, once again, to the big gator down South.” 

“All my bros tailgated and threw parties for the last four years, but it was more an excuse to drink, talk to hot blondes in crop tops and wear my nice garnet Nike polo than to actually watch the game,” said Brady Mitchell, lacing up his snow-white Stan Smiths before a night of clubbing at ‘Cess. “But last weekend, or a few weekends ago when we won against those 305 hurricane fucks, that was righteous. I saw Osceola look happy for once, and the garnet and gold guys started crying on the field. I was, for once, a true fan, feeling the rush of a win. And then we immediately lost against our blue and orange rivals. Ugh,” he said as he polished his fake ID.

Whatever your status (newfound fan or couldn’t care less) FSU is surely having a stinker of a year...or multiple years, actually. Hey, maybe FSU will win another game, and then everyone can become FSU fans all over again. But we’ll all be chasing that first high...that first win feeling. Maybe then the student body will finally feel something again. Unless you’re a senior, in which case move on and start rooting for your grad school’s team. It just makes sense. 

The Eggplant FSU