Girl Advocating for the Abolition of Greek Life Wants To Know When the Next Kappa Sig Party Is
The presence of Greek Life at universities has long been a source of conflict within student bodies across the nation. With the recent controversies surrounding numerous chapters on Florida State’s campus (cough, cough), the Eggplant wanted to gather perspective from students and find out what their thoughts are on Greek Life at FSU. Promoter of long-standing racist and classist traditions, best tailgates on campus, or both?
The Eggplant sat down with sophomore Hailey Kurt, admin of the Twitter @AbolishGreekLifeFSU and avid attendee of frat tailgates. “The system is incredibly corrupt,” Kurt said as she scrolled through her feed. “Greek Life is an inherently racist and classist organization built on the exclusion of minorities and the lower class. Time and time again, we hear countless stories about the atrocities committed by members of Greek organizations on campus. Last week, a Kappa Delta literally burnt down a children’s hospital and a Delta Chi killed my dad.” Brown paused to adjust her ponytail. “The university should take a stand and cleanse itself of these organizations and their influence on campus. That being said, do you guys know where I should tailgate on Saturday? I went to Pike’s last week but I want to change it up a bit. Maybe somewhere with a bounce house.”
“Fraternities and sororities are disgusting and breed toxic people that only go on to perpetuate their shittiness to future generations,” said senior Grace Jones, a self-proclaimed seltzer connoisseur. “But I heard Kappa Sig is having a ski lodge-themed party that will have a fake snow machine. How cool is that? Like, the whole house will be filled with fake snow and you can sled on it too. You can only wear tissues as bikinis to get in, but still, literally so cool.” Jones adjusted the claw clip in her hair and continued. “Sure, I’ll be fearing for my safety, and quite frankly, my life. But where else am I supposed to get free and unlimited Natty Light? Don’t get me wrong; I hate Greek Life and everything it stands for, but nothing can beat a free beer trough and a shuttle to Baja’s.”
We reached out to multiple houses for comment, but were only able to get a response from Sigma Alpha Epsilon who said, “ur just mad u didn’t get a bid u fucking geed.” No matter how anti-Greek Life someone is, even our strongest soldiers have trouble turning down a free party. If you’re hot enough in the eyes of fifty guys wearing collared shirts and backwards caps, of course. If not, well, good luck Charlie.