Students Resort to Pitching Tents on Legacy Walk Due to Inadequate Quarantine Dorms

Full capacity and full steam ahead. A return to normal. A few things that could totally be possible if collectivism was more prevalent at Florida State University (and honestly, Florida as a whole--yes we are looking at you DeSantis). With loosey-goosey mask “expectations” and people who still believe that potentially life-threatening conditions are better than possibly becoming a walking 5G network, FSU is writing itself to be a case study of “what not to do.” Unsurprisingly as a result of this and the lack of infrastructure for housing COVID-positive students, residents have taken measures into their own hands.

“My family literally lives in Portland. I can’t just drive home. Shit, by the time I cross state lines, my ‘quarantine’ will be over. With the rate of the Chads and Tiffanys getting nabbed by FSU Housing to be taken to some random dorm cellar, there’s not much left for normies like me,” detailed Meadow Curran, a freshman who has taken refuge on Legacy Walk. “With hotel price gouges scamming parents and out-of-staters to watch another abysmal football game, I had to resort to literally camping. It’s a nice breeze at night but there had to be a better solution than selling out all of the dorms when we are very much still in a panoramic. Profit above people, am I right?”

As students are afraid of getting tested and subsequently thrown out in the streets within a moment's notice at a positive test result, many are instead choosing to be patient zeroes within their cohort. Like FSU’s own strand of hand-foot-mouth disease, the university is now chalking up its own FLST8-variant. The students who choose to be responsible are now creating their own “Tent Hall” on Legacy Walk to serve as a reminder to the administration that they are not doing enough. The line of tents is now slowly encroaching onto Landis Green where the grass is slightly more comforting than literal rubble.