Latest “Devious Lick” Leads to Disappearance of Beloved Westcott Fountain

Nothing spreads faster than a TikTok trend, well maybe, second only to FSU’s own Flu strain (along with every other FSU created disease-looking at you chlamydia). With that being said, the newest devious lick trend is less suggestive and more kleptomanic which has led to serious disappearances. The victims have ranged from your RA’s door decs to the seemingly always empty hand sanitizer stations at HCB. However, the latest trend has made the most notable FSU landmark vanish into thin air.

“Our crew has been slowly collecting different types of ‘memorabilia.’ You have to remember, it’s only illegal if you get caught. So after hot wiring FSU Football’s Slingshot, we decided to up our ante,” says an anonymous vigilante. “It’s already theft that they’re charging us an extra technology fee for professors to play pre-recorded videos from 2006. It’s only fitting that we play a little trick on administration by holding their beloved death-trap hostage.”

“FSUPD is on site to sweep newly 21-year olds off the top lip of Westcott Fountain faster than freshmen swarming to free shirt stands; I’m not sure how they let this fly under the radar. What happened to that 24-hour feed on Westcott they always boast about during Orientation?” said Brad McGuyver, the secretary to the Office of the President at Florida State University. “Look, we don’t want trouble but Seminole Boosters are up my ass right now about this. Something about them needing to do a Burning Spear Baptism on the 31st of September. A tip to the whereabouts of the fountain will be rewarded $200 dining dollars only eligible for use at Suwannee Dining Hall.”

Now, with the fountain still missing, we can only place bets on which monument will be “licked” next. A reliable source has hinted Renegade himself is next. For the time being, new ‘Noles dragging their families around will have to begrudgingly make do with a fountain-less snapshot. But hey, on the bright side, Westcott now has a nice swimming pool!