FSU Football Team To Take Up Knitting And See Where That Goes
FSU is currently four games into its 2021 season, which means four games of increasingly crushing losses Seminole stans have been forced to witness. As disappointment grows and expectations plummet, Saturday night Tallahassee Twitter could not be more full of dejection and vicious memes. It’s gotten to the point where even the frillier, less athletically oriented or war-paint-wearing among us might still experience at least some detectable neurological response to hearing the name Mike Norvell. But it’s clear here at FSU that we can’t always get what we want! Sometimes we want a complete and functioning Student Union. Sometimes we want to be able to get in and out of the line at Einstein’s in a flat 10 minutes. Sometimes we want to win a football game or two. It’s just not always (or ever) in the cards! Sometimes, what we really need is to try something new, a lesson our football team might be learning as we speak.
“I think it’s really brave what they’re doing, honestly,” said Greg Foster, manager of an area Michaels Craft Store and a knitwear pet clothing Etsy shop. “I don’t think there have ever been this many men inside of a Michaels at the same time, like, ever. It’s a really big moment for us craftspeople and DIYers. Maybe the whole football thing didn’t work out, and that’s a bit of a bummer for sure, but it’s never too late to try out something new. And if you asked me, when that something is a wool blend yarn in sunrise periwinkle? What more is there to discuss?”
“I’m feeling really torn right now,” said Michaels cashier and Seminole fan Allison Fields. “I’m faced with the two things I love the most: football and knitting. These two worlds are colliding but also moving apart at the same time. It’s a lot to process. Of course, I’d like to see the season continue, but I also don’t like to watch my boys lose and if this is the alternative, it could be much worse. Plus business is booming! These guys go through a lot of yarn, maybe because of their big fingers, so they come by pretty often. Ringing them up is kind of annoying though, no offense. You try barcode scanning 120 bundles of garnet and gold sparkle yarn every Thursday and you tell me if you don’t need a little Icy Hot afterward.”
It’s a pretty sharp left our (mostly) beloved team is making, but come on! Who among us hasn’t switched majors at least once or twice? Maybe football was just a phase, and knitting is just like a Computer Science major realizing their true passion is Studio Art.If nothing else, our team might come out of this with some super cozy new jerseys! Everybody wins.