Kappa Delta Shocked by Recent Controversy Because They’ve “Been Racist for So Long, Though!”

In recent weeks, FSU football games have become a hub for racists, homophobes, and every gross grouping of people, although this has kinda always been the case. Kappa Delta found a way to highlight themselves in a way that isn’t related to balayages, believing that a time of heightened political sensitivity and constant protesting is also a good time to hate crime Black people. While most are shocked and appalled by Kappa Delta’s treatment of Black students during the recent game (in which there was alleged discrimination, slur use, and physical violence), they have since come out with a statement, citing “we don’t get why everyone’s suddenly throwing a fit, we’ve been racist for so long!”

“If you look at our Instagram photos and make a color palette, the hues will range from beige to deep orange, with hints of teal. It’s preposterous that students don’t understand why we only wanted white people sitting in our section at the game, we needed the photo ops,” began Katie Bonker. “If we don’t accept any minorities into our sorority and FSU’s perfectly ok with that, how do we know any better than to discriminate in other walks of life?” Bonker straightened out her Astroworld hoodie before heading to her preliminary nurse classes, adding, “just because we don’t say what we’re apologizing for, doesn’t mean we didn’t apologize!” 

“I don’t think it’s super racist here! I’m mixed, and they let me in,” started Gina Roger, taking a moment to adjust her blue contacts. “During rush week, they definitely prioritized letting in a few ‘people of color’ so they had someone to post on their Instagram stories when things got tough politically.” Roger did share that she wished she could be posted during events like Rush Week or Spring Formals instead of solely Black History Month. “There really are a variety of backgrounds and skin tones; There are some white people in there with darker skin than me! And even a couple Italians! Super inclusive. By the way, did I mention that I’m mixed?” 

All in all, it is news to some that KD doesn’t solely stand for “Kill” and “Destroy.” Instead, Kappa Delta stays true to its long-held values and morals of having no values and morals, candidly shown in photos from their recent beach vacay, celebrating their fresh controversy with broken covid rules and mimosas. While some white people may be very shocked by these recent developments, everyone else has basically expected this behavior since most organizations founded in 1897 don’t exactly match up with the views of young adults in 2021. Surprisingly, many fraternities and sororities have voiced their support during this difficult time. Not for the Black Lives Matter movement, but for their Kap Delt family.