Club Downunder Announces New Lecturer and Elmo Rival, Rocco, Here To Explain His Side of the Story

If you haven’t heard of the new hot drama, you must not watch Sesame Street. The newest celebrity feud is between Elmo, everybody’s favorite 3-year old giggling gremlin after he went off on his costar, Abby, and her pet rock, Rocco, over an oatmeal raisin cookie. The people have been supporting Elmo in this serious battle. As it went more and more viral, it came to light that this hadn’t been the first incident between Elmo and Rocco. There were instances where Elmo purposefully let Rocco go swimming knowing he would sink, verbally abused Rocco after he didn’t move during a workout, and even going back to their first meeting, Elmo refused to acknowledge that Rocco was anything other than a joke that Abby was making. Seeing as these moments weren’t enough to convince people that Elmo was a menace to society, Rocco has decided to speak up, and share his story of working on Sesame Street with the students of Florida State.

“You know I just think it’s time for people to know the truth about all that I have gone through and continue to go through during this rocky time,” said Rocco through the voice of his interpreter, Abby. He continued by saying, “Even though I am a rock, and seem as cold and as strong as one, I have feelings too.” Rocco has been working on Sesame Street since 1999 and knows the ins and outs of the business as much as the next famous rock. Rocco explained that “[he] had been a huge fan of Elmo going into the show, and respected him as an actor so much, but once they met, it was hard for [him] to continue giving respect to Elmo when he didn’t deserve it, just like he didn’t deserve the fucking oatmeal cookie.” Rocco hopes that by explaining his perspective of their relationship through a nationwide lecture tour, he can come back from all that Elmo has done to him.

When questioned about the rivalry, retired adult actor Gina Bobina spoke up. “Their relationship had always been bumpy and the cast silently supported Rocco throughout that time, because if they were to speak up about it, Elmo’s bitch ass would probably get them all fired.” The growing narrative of the cast and crew was that Elmo was essentially the Rachel Berry of this cast, and would say and do whatever he wanted, treating Sesame Street as if it was entirely Elmo’s World. “If we didn’t have oatmeal raisin cookies and wasabi on hand, Elmo would legitimately start eating the cast as food,” said Bobina later on in the interview. There was even proof of this in a clip of Elmo absolutely demolishing a piece of cheese that had been his costar previously, which we can probably expect to see on Twitter in a few weeks.

When asked to give a statement on the rivalry, Elmo and his PR team continued to stonewall the media about anything and everything Rocco related. For a wanna-be muppet that had complained so heavily about Rocco never saying or doing anything, Elmo was acting pretty silent himself. Is this just an example of cancel culture, or will the public finally follow through and deplatform the tickling monster we know as Elmo? Find out more about it all during Rocco’s lecture, which will be free for FSU students at the Ruby Diamond Concert Hall, on January 32nd at 8!